Every mom – working or not – needs a wife. Courtenay, our faithful nanny, has been mine for a year now. At first I told no one that I thought of her that way, least of all my husband (you know how men can get those funny fantasies…). There was something comforting behind the initial embarrassment and dependence on another woman,  helping me run my household. What relief to know that someone else noticed the little things: when the pillows on the couch needed to be fluffed; we were almost out of milk; or diapers needed to be bought. Not that these things weren't also noticed by my husband, for to be sure, I'm married to a great guy. Still, life is challenging, and having another pair of arms to hold things up makes the world of difference. 

Best of all, she liked my children. It was a match made in nanny heaven.

There are many services and sites to help you find your perfect child-care partner. I like sittercity.com because of the many sitters on the site, and the availability of background checks.  Peace of mind is critical to finding someone to help you nurture your clutch.

Each family is unique – hours, household, children and ages, and special needs may vary - but there is some consistency to what you need when hiring a nanny.  If I had to narrow it down to a few important traits, I'd suggest you find someone who is:

• Intelligent: you need someone quick to make the right decisions if something goes wrong (Charlie is living proof of that).

• Compassionate and affectionate: children are vulnerable and emotional, and a good nanny knows how to discern when a child needs some TLC vs. when a child is just seeking negative attention.

• Able to discipline: many times I’ve seen nannies at the park being fully bullied by the kids in their care. You want someone who can redirect misbehaving children, and provide appropriate, fair, and consistent consequences.

• Reliable and honest: no use hiring the world’s best nanny if they can’t seem to get to work on time.

• Playful: kids need someone who isn’t afraid to get on their level and play with them. I’ve seen plenty of nannies who appear bored and disinterested.

And yes, I call her my wife, even in public. It is the highest compliment I can imagine offering someone who has become an integral member of our family. As for Charlie – last I saw him, he was swimming in a very sparkling fishbowl, strategically placed far away from the sink.

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