Rachel Kramer Bussel is a provocateur of the sexiest order. The editor of ‘Best Sex Writing 2010’ as well as numerous erotica anthologies that appeal to all types of consumers, this cupcake-loving, self-declared feminist doesn’t hide from exploring all aspects of human sexuality. Including the dark, naughty and kinky kind that involve whips, beatings and submissions.
Modern Love recently spoke with Bussel about the steamier side of erotic literature. Since several of her volumes tell stories of men and women submitting for the sake of sexual pleasure, we asked her to discuss her views on feminism, erotica and BDSM. Are these compatible in an educated, sex-positive world? Here’s what this sex maven had to say:
"I think this is both a valid concern and one that is overblown and has caused a lot of women to doubt their sexual inclinations, especially if they’re submissive. Definitely a woman can be a feminist and be submissive (or dominant or vanilla or in between or none/all of the above). I think that sexuality is of course tied to all that we learn about and from the outside world, but at the same time, means different things to different people. You can’t just look at, say, a woman who likes to be tied up, or verbally degraded, or spanked or slapped or whatever it is, and “know” what it means. Maybe she doesn’t even know what it means.
To me, it’s important to remember that we do bring feminism into the bedroom, but there isn’t a single “feminist” way to have sex. One way isn’t better than another and it’s very easy to sit in judgment of other people, especially when they’re doing something you don’t understand or that unnerves you, which I think is especially the case with female submissives/male tops. That’s not to say that we shouldn’t investigate and question and explore our erotic inclinations through a feminist lens, but that it’s complicated and personal.”
Indeed, as the forces of sexual acceptance continue to open up doors previously held shut, erotica literature expands its horizons to accommodate. When asked what she looks for in her anthologies, Bussel says she appreciates “stories that are, firstly, hot, but that also give us some insight into the mind of, say, someone who’s submissive, or dominant.”
As for that dicey combo of feminism and kinky sex, she is quick to point to our changing gender roles. “If feminism is going to be relevant to sexuality, we need to also look at what it’s like for male submissives, for female dominants, for those who aren’t male or female, and for anyone who doesn’t fit into the married heterosexual missionary position so-called ‘norm.’ We can’t police our fantasies; or rather, we can, but then we miss out on so, so much.”
If someone were to police the following anthologies (see slideshow), they’d have to bring some very big cuffs. Yes Ma'am, Erotic Stories of Male submission (Cleis Press, 2008) and Yes Sir, Erotic Stories of Female Submission (Cleis Press, 2008) are filled with stories that are risqué, delicious and quite possibly illegal in some sex-forsaken places. Fortunately, for Modern Love readers, you can read these in the privacy of your bedrooms, with only your naughty imaginations to cause you pause.
And for those Bussel fans who are eagerly awaiting her next, Please ma'am, Erotic Stories of Male Submission and Please Sir, Erotic Stories of Female Submission will be published later this summer, both by the perveyor of fine erotica, Cleis Press.
Modern Love is not your average relationship column; it offers analysis beyond the news, scandals and stories. Sometimes serious, sometimes playful, often spicy, it seeks to deepen our understanding of love and help couples create more meaningful relationships.
Check out Modern Love's sex-positive series, Tantra Tuesdays. Short, playful and sexy, it’s a weekly lesson in intimacy for lusty couples in love who want to merge the sacred and sensual towards a more conscious union.
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All Modern Love Examiner articles ©2010 by Tinamarie Bernard; reposts permitted with link back to original article. All other rights reserved
Comments
Thank you so much for bringing this to light. There are a lot of misconceptions concerning sexual behavior. Although "kink" (a relative term at best) has the potential to cross lines into abusive behavior, it is important to remember that even "vanilla" behaviors can, too.
Thanks for this, Tinamarie! Great points from one of my favorites in the erotica biz! I'd add that the key word, when speaking of any sexual relationship but particularly where submissive and dominant role playing is involved (and isn't there always, to some degree?), is "consensual" – As long as all parties involved are willing and active partners in exploring, there is not much limit to what they can and should explore together in the name of mutual pleasure. As Bussel points out in the intro to 'Please, Sir', "It’s not just the actions here that are familiar, but the reasoning, the way they crave and cringe in the face of the power they are claiming, and the power they are giving up. They are smart enough to know that kink is not about simply embracing one’s fears, but grappling with them, battling with them, taking risks and seeing if, in fact, they yield very sexy rewards."
vb.ly/sexybooks
Absolutely agree - when it comes to sexuality, I strongly advocate consensual practices, and have taken flak on a number of occasions for pointing out how certain groups miss the mark when they take issue with the private sexual choices of others instead of going after those who engage in coersive sex. So thank you for raising that point here. :)
I think the important thing to keep in mind here is the different definitions of feminism. I am a feminist in that I believe in the equal treatment of all people. My beliefs and feelings are just as important and just as valid as my boyfriend's. I deserve the same pay for the work I do as any of my male colleagues. I have just as much right to make whatever choices come my way as my father does.
When people hear the word "feminist," they automatically start thinking about women's power...and seem to believe that means women's superiority. But feminism in it's rawest form is about equality.
In a way, choosing to be submissive during sex is just as much an act of feminism as choosing to be dominant is. It's about the *choice*.
As always, I loved your article.
RE Robin's comment: I would believe that abusive behavior abounds in the "vanilla" world, where in the (my) "kink" world there is a strong and usually educated emphasis on true caring and safety for a "play" partner.
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