Correction: The Commandant of Midshipmen is Capt. Matthew Klunder, not Capt. Mark Klunder as originally reported. I apologize for the error.
Yesterday, the Navy Times reported that a star football player at the U.S. Naval Academy, Midshipman 3rd Class, Marcus Curry, had tested positive for marijuana on a random drug test, but was able to explain his way out of it. The report stated that despite being recommended for expulsion in accordance with the Naval Academy's "zero tolerance" drug policy by Commandant, Capt. Matt Klunder, Midshipman Curry was allowed to stay by Naval Academy Superintendent, Vice-Admiral Jeffrey Fowler.
The reason - Midshipman Curry apparently convinced Vadm. Fowler that he unknowingly smoked marijuana contained in a "blunt" which he presumed to be a perfectly harmless and legal cigar.
Needless to say, many at the Naval Academy aren't buying the story and crying, "Foul!" over the perceived double standard for star athletes at the venerable institution.
As a veteran of several Westpacs, and having been ordained an "esteemed ocean-going attorney" by none other than King Neptune himself, I believe the honorable midshipman's ability to account for his actions in a dicey situation needs some improvement.
Below is a completely fictional account of the incident that illustrates my point.
Vadm. Fowler: Midshipman Curry, tell me what happened.
Curry: Yes, sir! -
I went out last Saturday night in search of a worthwhile community relief project. While waiting at the bus stop, I came across two young missionaries down on their luck. I inquired where I could find a relief project that would be suitable for improving my moral character.
As luck would have it, one of the missionaries, Sister Chastity, replied that she, and her friend, Brother Jerry, could build my inner peace and strength by helping me cleanse my soul. We talked a little while longer about caring for our inner being - and then they asked if I would accompany them to their dwelling for some refreshments and spiritual enlightenment. Although I was hoping to find voluteer work at an orphanage or homeless shelter, I agreed - not wanting to offend them by decling their charitable offer.
When we arrived at their dwelling, the two missionaries prepared some frozen lemon-lime punch and reluctantly shared the pain and sorrow they had endured while seeking redemption after living a life filled with material desire and spiritual emptiness - with a forlorn look in their bleary eyes, the two spiritual travelers asked if I would be willing to join with them as they cleansed their souls.
At first, I was uncomfortable because I had never done anything like this before - but after discussing the matter over the tangy lemon-lime punch, and seeing that they had nothing but warmth and love in their hearts, I agreed once again.
Sister Chastity put some all-natural, spiritual herbs in a small bowl attached to a tube filled with purifying water. She informed me that "firing up" this special blend would stimulate my cerebral cortex, improve my consciousness and bring clairity of purpose to my life. Again - I agreed.
As the sacred fire burned, we let the hallowed smoke fill our lungs, savoring each and every moment before exhaling - allowing our divine essence to rise gently towards the heavens.
Sir, I had no idea that a spiritual awakening such as this could land me in so much trouble.
Vadm Fowler: Son, in all my years in the Fleet, I've never heard such a heartwarming tale. Congratulations on your wondrous journey! What happened next?
Curry: We ordered two large pizzas, some bread sticks and a 2-liter bottle of diet soda -Sir.
Vadm. Fowler: Well, I'm convinced that there was no intentional wrongdoing here. However, I wouldn't make a habit out of seeing those two missionaries during the season.
Curry: Yes, Sir!
Vadm. Fowler: That will be all. You're dismissed. Oh. One more thing - Beat Army!
This story is not about drug policy. It's about equal treatment and teaching respect for the rules and regulations all military personnel are bound to observe and uphold. It's also about arrogance. How could a flag officer possibly believe this wouldn't cause a problem? Am I being too "blunt"?
For those of you who do not enjoy my sarcasm, please feel free to contact Vice-Admiral Fowler.
For the record - No drugs were harmed in the fabrication of this story.
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Comments
why should he even be harassed for using a natural herb to relax with? this is ridiculous!it's way past time to legalize pot.
Mr Skilling - A funny take on a not so funny incident.
Why - While I do personally agree that marijuana should be decriminalized, the fact remains that today it is illegal. And more than that, it is against the rules of USNA. MIDN Curry agreed to abide by those rules along with every other MIDN. MIDN Curry is not currenly being held to the same standard as other MIDNs. So you see, the problem isn't the pot, it's the double standard.
It's CAPT. Matthew Klunder, not mark. The man's legendary, don't mess up his name.
To getitright - Thank you for pointing out my error. It has been corrected.
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