Most people think conflict is the sole kiss of death in a marriage. But guess what? Being bored in your marriage can be just as hurtful.
According to a recent article in Science Daily, University of Michigan and Stony Brook University researchers interviewed 123 couples in their seventh year of marriage then again a couple of years after. Says Terri Orbuch, a research professor at U-M Institute for Social Research and Institute for Research on Women and Gener, "These findings show directly, for the first time, that not only conflicts but also simple boredom with the relationship can shape relationships over the long term." For more of the particulars (race, ages and whatnot) click on the link.
Participants were asked if they felt their marriage was in a rut. They were also asked if the couples often do exciting things together as a couple as well asked to gouge marital satisfaction.
"It suggests that excitement in relationships facilitates or makes salient closeness, which in turn promotes satisfaction in the long term," Orbuch said.
So how can you reduce boredom? Try something new! Travel to some new places together, or take a class, start a new hobby the two of you can do together. According to the researchers, this can generate closeness that can lead to greater satisfaction, partner responsiveness, commitment and trust.
St. Louis has got lots of fun activities. Have you ever biked the Katy Trail? What about visiting a few wineries. Give it a try! Check out the Laclede's Landing Wax Museum, or look for upcoming events you've never been to before. (This one is always fun.) Or learn to play a musical instrument together. Even going back to doing some of the same activities the two of you enjoyed early on in your marriage or during courtship can help. The key is to keep learning and growing with your partner.
Comments
Great article, Lisa, and so true. My husband and I hardly ever "fight" - when we have problems it's because we've just gotten in a rut. I'm blessed to be married to a man who is spontaneous and always on the lookout for new, fun activities, so our lives (and our relationship) usually stay interesting and lively.
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