Intimacy is necessary in a marriage

News flash: Sex and intimacy are two different things. No matter how complicated you would like to think it is to differentiate between the two, it is really very simple. Let's look at classic, test book definitions of the words. Intimacy is defined by the Merriam-Webster dictionary as the state of being intimate, a familiarity. The term intimate itself, as an adjective, means marked by a warm friendship developed by long association. As a noun it means a close friend or confidant. Webster defines the term sex as sexual intercourse, involving penetration. Sex itself, is an activity. To some, it can be meaningful. To others, it can be just a mechanism for releasing tension and fulfilling a short-term desire. In a marriage, many view sex as a way of consummating the relationship and physically expressing our desires and love for our spouse.  However, the thing that heightens our sexual experiences making the act of intercourse an emotional, spiritual, physical, even mental symbol of our relationship is the level of intimacy shared between the couple. In a recent interview, author Relentless Aaron is quoted as saying that intimacy is 'the connection you have with your soul mate".

Why is insuring the intimacy of your marriage so important? Motivationalist and author, Al 'The Inspiration' Duncan states that men and women view the display of intimacy differently. Irregardless of their different accounts, what matters is that what each person values as a sense of intimacy is being considered and catered to. If your wife values quality time spent taking walks in the park, indulge and engage more in  this and/or similar activities. If your husband likes hand holding and deep conversation, grab him and engage in discussion. These things help to build up the friendship aspect of your relationship and shows your spouse that you are in tune with their desires, likes, dislikes, values, and personal needs. After all, this is a part of the definition of intimacy, being a friend and being close.

How can you foster a greater sense of intimacy in your marriage? Here are a few ideas to get you on the path to reconnecting or continuing to strengthen the intimacy in your relationship:

Get Away:    A little romance never hurt anyone. Time away from the kids, from work, from the normal distractions in life can aid you in taking special time to focus on each other. Al Duncan refers to this as 'turning off the noise' in your life, directing your attention to your mate. Pick a quiet place that exudes serenity and tranquility. An affordable option for this type of intimacy building would be to reserve a couples retreat for yourselves at Lake Lanier. Lake Lanier offers a variety of couples packages that include activities that promote togetherness including mini spa treatments and cozy breakfasts while overlooking a peaceful view. During this quiet time together, you and your spouse will have the time to talk and reconnect in an environment where the mood is already set for you. All you have to do is capitalize upon it. But, don't get it twisted. Don't make this escape about sex. Remember that the objective is to increase your level of intimacy. Do activities that you wouldn't be able to do during the normal hustle and bustle of your lives. Feed your wife chocolate dipped strawberries (provided by the resort) while having a discussion about what she would like to see or experience more of within your marriage. The point is to communicate. Communication, not just verbal, but nonverbal as well, is the key to building up your intimacy level. This get away merely serves as a comfortable arena for you to practice in.

Continued reinforcement: I encourage you to make a point to communicate at any and every given opportunity. If you are fortunate enough to indulge in a get away, excellent. If not, don't use time as an excuse for not communicating with your spouse. It is important for the two of you to know and learn the personal, intricate things about one another. It is essential that you are in tuned with one another's needs. Once you've learned what these needs are continue to supply them. For example, if your husband tells you that he needs you to be more sensual with him don't think giving him a mind blowing massage one night will fix his need. You need to be consistent in making sure that he is not yearning for that special attention. Make it a point to provide him with the tenderness he desires whenever possible. Once the children are asleep, once or twice a week, pull out the massage oils and give him a rub down while inquiring about his day, his life outside of the home, and his feelings. Everyone wants to feel cared for, everyone needs attention. As a spouse, we are obligated to continuously work to fulfill our mates desires. Our ability to do this, to at least try, speaks volumes to our loved ones. It shows your mate that you care, that they are loved, and that their desires, feelings, and needs matter to you. Continued reinforcement of that is essential in a relationship and promotes a great sense of intimacy a marriage.

The Little Things:  As aforementioned, communication is not always verbal. Likewise, it is not always the 'big' things you do to actively nurture the intimacy in your marriage that makes a difference. Many times it is the 'small' things that matter the most. Do little, thought provoking, meaningful things like leave one another love notes. How uplifting is it to receive a post-it note in your lunch bag that says "Thinking of you", especially when you're having a bad day at work? How moving is it to come home from a hard's day of work and your husband has taken the liberty of running you a bath, anticipating that you would be pooped upon arriving home? Even smaller, how tender is it to see your mate across the room and blow a kiss to him, in a very subtle manner or to share a private look only the two of you understand? It is this small gestures which say to one another "I love you", "I care for you", "I know what you need", and "I'm here for you".   It is this act of expressing your feelings that creates a closeness between the two of you, thus building up your intimacy.

In summation, it is wonderful if you experience mind blowing sex with your spouse. Who wouldn't want that? But a key to achieving this is to create a strong sense of overall intimacy in your relationship. It is the intimacy that causes you to both be in tune with one another's desires, which in turn allows you to please one another in the exact way the other craves. I encourage you to evaluate the intimacy level in your marriage and to do what you can to either improve it or maintain it.  Remember, communicate, communicate, communicate. This simple act makes all the difference in every aspect of your relationship.

As always, be good to one another, for your love is all you really have.