Promotional poster from the 2008 CBS TV Series "Swingtown"

Be truthful...you too have probably fantasized about adding another person or persons into your marital sex life at one time or another. You should not feel ashamed because this is a very normal and common fantasy among those who are married. In Part 10 of my series “Naughty Ways to Spice up Your Love Life and Marriage” we discuss the swinging lifestyle within a marriage.

Relax…it is perfectly normal to have fantasies of adding others into your marital intimacy. This is often due to the fact that many married couples begin to experience a bit of bedroom boredom after 6 or 7 years within their monogamous relationship. It does not mean that you have fallen out of love but over time, sex with their partner can become routine and lack the lustrous passion that once was. Although unfortunate, all too often those prolonged feelings of sexual boredom can lead to wandering eyes and even marital infidelity that can destroy a relationship. Therefore it is important for couples to work together to maintain an exciting and interesting love life together at home.

Adding adult sex toys, exploring new sexual positions and techniques or watching pornography together are all fun ways for couples to spice things up in their marriage. But many couples who have tried all of those things still crave more excitement from their marital love life. Undeniably one of the most extreme ways to do this is for a couple to explore intense fantasy fulfillment together by adding one or more people into the mix.

Although these fantasies are common, those who are happily married often choose to keep such naughty fantasies to themselves for fear that it could hurt their relationship if they were to bring it up with their partner. However, those who openly communicate these desires often find that their partner also has had similar fantasies at one time or another. For these couples, the mere discussion of having a threesome or foursome is usually enough to heat things up in the bedroom, even if it never goes any further. But be fully aware that talking about it and actually engaging in such activities are two completely different things. It takes a uniquely secure and happily “in-love” couple to actually participate in a threesome or the swinging lifestyle without it causing irreversible damage to their marriage.

By the way, “swinging” includes but is not limited to threesomes, foursomes, orgies, same room sex and voyeurism (watching others having sex). Some couples in the lifestyle only participate in “same room sex” with others. This means they have sex in the presence of others but participate solely with their own partner. Some couples are considered “soft swap only” which means that they participate in having oral sex with others but have intercourse exclusively with their own partner. “Full swap” couples (as you might guess) openly participate in all of the above with their own partner as well as with others. Within these couples the male is usually (but not always) straight and the female is usually (but not always) bisexual or bi-curious.

Apparently threesomes and swinging has become more mainstream than ever. Many internet sites like “Adult Friend Finder”, “Swap Finder” and “Swing Life Style” each have millions of members, many of which are happily married couples. These and similar internet sites along with lifestyle (swingers) clubs seem to have made finding like-minded adults easier than ever. Although I have personally never been to one, a large percentage of these lifestyle clubs are very upscale and discreet establishments which have become quite popular in some areas (usually larger cities). Another factor that seems to have made the swinger lifestyle more prevalent has been the desire of many women to explore their bi-curiosity. Let’s face it, most men would certainly not stop them and would likely encourage those desires. However, these guys should be aware of the possibility that she may discover that she actually prefers being with another woman over a man. Ever watch the Jerry Springer Show? It happens!

For this article I briefly interviewed three separate couples who admittedly participate in sexual activities with others. Each couple seemed to be very normal, had good jobs or careers and all had children either at home or grown. In exchange for the interview I agreed to maintain their anonymity for purposes of personal privacy.

These three couples all seem to share in the understanding that “sex is not love and love is not sex.” The separation of sex and love is something widely understood by those who participate in sexual activities with others. These couples also claim that they talked about the subject of adding others into the sexual mix with their partner for a long time before ever moving forward. All agreed that communication and mutual respect with their partner is the most important aspect when participating in the swinger lifestyle.

One couple I interviewed stated, “It is very important to respect your partner’s boundaries and never force them to do something they don’t want to do.” Another couple said, “Choosing just the right person or persons to play with is very important to us. We look for other couples who are happy together, similarly attractive and who enjoy the same (normal) things that we do. We avoid anyone who has drama in their relationship. After all, the last thing anyone wants is to cause problems in their own or someone else’s relationship.”

All three couples claimed that playing with others sexually has not only spiced up their love life at home but it actually brought them closer as a couple. One couple also interestingly stated, “Contrary to what many people think, swinging is not cheating so long as you consentingly participate together as a couple.” Incidentally, all of the couples I interviewed said that they only participate together and 2 of the 3 couples interviewed only participate in sexual activities with other happily married couples. The third couple admitted that they have played sexually with another single male and/or a single female on occasion.

The few swinger couples who I interviewed all said that, “Swinging and playing with others is certainly not for everyone.” As a writer, I am not advocating the swinger lifestyle but it is yet another way for adventurous couples to add more excitement to their sex lives. If you are a couple (or a single) looking to participate in alternate lifestyle activities, I strongly emphasize using extreme caution when meeting others and exercising safe sex practices if things progress to the next level. 

The following are excerpts from: “The Swingers Next Door” by Brian Depenbrock, originally published in LifeStyle Magazine (no longer in print).

“You probably see a swinger everyday, only you don't see them. Chances are that your neighbor, an associate at work or even a family member is a swinger. The sexually free are found in every community, and within every demographic. The life style is growing and reaching new levels all the time.

Today, the life style is evolving and becoming more mainstream. As the quality of swinger events, websites and clubs improves, more people are willing to join the fun.

Numerous studies and polls give widely varying results on how many swingers there really are. However, it's pretty safe to assume that no less than one-half of a percent of the U.S. population is actively involved in some sort of sexual activity that falls into the general category of swinging.

Whether it's same room sex, a threesome or even an orgy, many sexual activities are included. At a minimum these studies indicate that a lot of people are receptive to the idea of swinging.”

You can find this and many similar Lifestyle Magazine articles at: http://www.lifestylemagazine.com/articles/

Note to readers:
Please send your letters, comments and topic suggestions to Chuck Altmix, The Marriage and Sex Examiner at: examinerchuck@comcast.net