This is the second part of my interview with best selling author Christine Clifford. With the holidays approaching, I was curious as to how those who are going through a divorce can survive a time that is supposed to be joyful.
Thank you, Christine, for taking the time to share some of your thoughts with readers. With the holidays upon us, many couples going through divorce are having a difficult time. Traditions may be broken, families may be separated. What advice would you give these people on how to better survive the holidays?
*" Plan ahead. If you know you are going to be alone on a major holiday, plant a seed with several of your closest friends. Explain that you know you are going to be by yourself, and it feels a bit overwhelming. You’ll be surprised how many will offer to have you spend the holiday with them and their family. Then accept their offer! You don’t have to stay late or for the entire day/evening, but sharing a holiday meal can be just what the doctor prescribed for lifting your spirits.
* Keep several traditions alive. Maybe the tradition is that you put up your Christmas tree on the day after Thanksgiving. Perhaps you spend hours putting up the Dickens Holiday Village from Dept. 56. Possibly baking your favorite holiday cookies is something you haven’t missed in seventeen years. No need to stop now. Traditions provide comfort and familiarity, and will allow you to feel that some things never change.
* Start new traditions. Was there always something you wanted to do, but your spouse would never let you? Maybe you wanted a flocked Christmas tree, or wanted to serve hamburgers on Christmas Eve. This is the time to do everything you’ve always wanted to do, because no one can tell you “You can’t.” Create a new holiday tradition for yourself and your family and make a vow that you’ll do it again next year.
* Lay out a game plan for sharing the family. Work out a schedule for who gets what family members when. For example, you get the kids every other Thanksgiving, Easter, and on Christmas Eve. He gets the kids on the alternate years and on Christmas Day. That way, you’ll know ahead of time whether or not you’re going to be alone and can follow Tip #1: Plan ahead. And there’s no arguing over what is going to happen.
* Invite all your single friends over instead. The holidays are just as lonely for widows, friends who have never married, or singles who have recently transferred to a new city for work. Invite as many people as you can, and do Pot Luck. Plan some games and rent a movie. Set the table with holiday decorations and make it a party!
* Spend the day researching a dating service! You’re going to be alone anyway, so why not fill out an application for an online dating service? After all, some of your friends and family have probably had some success. Be courageous and take a risk. You may just end up meeting “Mr. or Ms. Right.”
* Send out holiday cards. Spending time getting in touch with old friends and giving them an update on your new life, new address and new lease on life can be healing. Letting everyone know that “I’m OK” will help you start seeing your new life in a positive light. Besides, the time it takes to address the cards, stamp and mail them will take your mind off your situation.
* Make your holiday gifts this year. If money is tight because of the divorce, create gifts such as homemade candies, ornaments or keepsakes. Perhaps this is the year to pass on some of that jewelry, china or items that your kids would treasure. Or maybe you just hand out cards that say, “Good for one back rub” or “Trade In for one night of babysitting.” Everyone will know your heart is in the right place, and will appreciate your gesture.
* Take a trip out of town. If money is not an issue, plan a trip to a spa or resort. Go horseback riding, golfing, or hiking. Go to a place that you’ve always dreamed of visiting. Really pamper yourself, and treat yourself to a nice, long weekend."
*Be sure to read Part 1 of my interview with Christine Clifford, "Healing Humor During Divorce".
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