The Los Angeles Lakers bounced back from a two-game losing streak last night by taking care of the Milwaukee Bucks at home, but Kobe Bryant's jumpshot showed no improvement.
In case you didn't know Kobe is mired in a horrific slump, shooting 33% (37-111) from the field in his last four games. His poor shooting hit a climax last night as he finished the game 4-21 from the field. You can read more about one of the worst shooting games in Kobe's career from the L.A. Times, but let's get to the question at hand:
Why, after such a great start to the season, is Kobe suddenly unable to make a basket?
People have suggested several reasons: the absence of Pau Gasol, the fact that he has a broken index finger on his shooting hand, and the fact that during an 82-game season every player will experience some sort of slump.
Excuses!
Maybe it's because I've been watching Season 3 of The X-Files on DVD, but I smell a conspiracy. I've done some thinking and here are my top five scenarios that explain why Kobe is shooting poorly:
- When the Cleveland Cavaliers were in town over Christmas, Kobe and his old buddy Shaquille O'Neal treated themselves to a nice boys-night-in. They popped some popcorn, put on their pajamas, and curled around Kobe's 85-inch plasma screen TV to watch an old classic, Blue Chips, starring Shaq himself. After viewing the scene in which it is revealed that Tony took money to throw a game (sorry for the spoiler), Kobe got the idea to throw the spread for a couple games. After a call to Tim Donaghy for advice, Kobe set his plan into motion. Unfortunately, not even a 4-21 performance could get the Bucks within 20 points.
- After the Lakers obliterated the Dallas Mavericks last Sunday (Kobe shot 6-12), Kobe Bryant as we know him ceased to exist. Mark Cuban, humiliated by Bryant for the last time, finally completed the last stage of his plan and successfully replaced Kobe with an Avatar. Kobe is now controlled by the actions and thoughts of Mark Cuban and, as we all know, Mark Cuban can't shoot.
- As a personal challenge, Kobe is playing while wearing a 35-pound weight vest under his jesey and 10-pound ankle weights on each leg. Sure, he may be missing a few shots now, but wait 'til you see how strong he is come playoff time.
- Owners, frustrated with the Lakers' early dominance, banded together and invented a remote control that effectively shrinks the basket by 3/4 of an inch when the button is pressed. Those remote controls were passed on to the opposing coaches, and the rest is history. If you see Gregg Popovich reach into his pocket during a Lakers possession on Tuesday, now you know what's really going on.
- Kobe, an avid football fan, has been so entrenched in the NFL Playoffs that he has foregone his normal pre-game shooting ritual in favor of watching three hours of Mark Schlereth and Trent Dilfer debate about why the back-up right guard for the Arizona Cardinals will end up being the X-factor.
No matter what the reason, with Pau still hurting and a tough schedule coming up (Spurs, Mavs, rejuvenated Clippers, Magic, and Cavs), Kobe better get his stroke back soon.
Comments