Cancer in remission, now comic Robert Schimmel needs a liver transplant

Robert Schimmel, who has had way more than his share of troubles over the years, dropped another bombshell near the end of his appearance this morning on Howard Stern ’s Sirius satellite radio show, when he revealed that he suffers from cirrhosis and now needs a liver transplant.

Schimmel, who has documented his bout with non-Hodgkin lymphoma in his inspiring book Cancer On $5 A Day* *(Chemo Not Included): How Humor Got Me Through The Toughest Journey Of My Life, was on Stern to promote his weekend gigs at New York comedy club Comix. But he had other issues than health to focus on first, as it was his initial visit to Stern’s show since his arrest last year on allegations of domestic violence.

“Howard called right away when it happened, but because of legal reasons I couldn’t really talk about it,” Schimmel said in an interview later in the day. “I waited until I could come on and tell it the way I wanted to—and trusted him to let me. That way I wouldn’t be thrown a sucker punch from anyone else who might think I’d joke about it. And Howard’s been with me since the beginning and supported every aspect of whatever’s happened in my life—so if I was going to talk to anyone it would have to be him.”

Stern, his on-air staff and his listeners were utterly unprepared for Schimmel’s latest health scare--and Schimmel himself had serious doubts about disclosing it.

“I was advised not to by a fellow comedian for fear all my jobs would be cancelled,” Schimmel said, noting that prospective bookers might wonder whether his health would permit him to show up at all. “You can’t predict how others will handle someone who needs a liver transplant.”

Schimmel said he was diagnosed in 1998 (the same year he had a heart attack) with end-stage liver disease.

“It was from a transfusion I got when I had a hernia operation when I was in the Air Force in 1968,” he said. “At that time there was no way of detecting anything like hepatitis C [which can progress to cirrhosis], so it didn’t show up.”

He said he made it to the Top 10 in the cadaver transplant list—but that chemotherapy following his diagnosis of non-Hodgkin lymphoma in 2000 precluded it. Miraculously he has so far survived both illnesses, and against astronomical odds, fathered two children with his now estranged wife.

Schimmel, whose mug shot showed a bandaged face, is reluctant to say more than that the arrest resulted from an argument—and that no charges against him were ever filed.

“I lost a lot of work because of it, then lost some more because of my health,” he said. “Then when the attention from the marital situation started fading we went into a giant recession: People aren’t spending money for sitters, and that plus club admission and drinks can add up to $200-$300 a night when you can stay home and watch HBO or Showtime, or see my Showtime special [last year’s Robert Schimmel: Life Since Then] on Hulu for free.”

Yet Schimmel continues to deliver his uproarious, deadpan Triple X-rated material—always at his own expense.

“I’m even more open with my life now,” he said. “Obviously I’ve had to change some of the material.”

He briefly mentions the arrest a couple times during the act.

“First of all, I didn’t hit her, and second, there’s no joke there,” he explained. “And it’s a very fine line to walk because in my comedy, I’m the victim of my jokes! But domestic violence is never funny, and I don’t’ want anybody to think I find any humor in it whatsoever.”

He points out that even comics draw a line that they won’t cross.

“I’ve already been asked on radio if it’s too soon to tell jokes about Haiti, and the answer is, It’s never time to tell jokes about Haiti!" he said. "No way do I make fun of somebody else’s loss! I don’t apologize for anything I say on stage, but I want you to know I don’t think cancer is funny for you or anyone else you know. I’m just telling you how I got through it and why I’m still here—but that doesn’t go for everybody.”

He took a call from his close friend Phil Stevens, who had ordered Sirius for his hospital room in Chicago just to hear Schimmel on Stern.

“He’s been as important to me as chemo and radiation,” said Stevens, who according to Schimmel, has been undergoing cancer treatment in the hospital for months—and had contacted him after reading his book. Stevens told him that the book saved his life—and then bought 128 more copies. But he also encouraged Schimmel to come clean with Stern regarding his illness.

“He said, ‘You can help a lot of people with cancer by talking about it’—and it’s a big deal to keep it secret,” said Schimmel. “There’s such a negative stigma attached to liver disease: You’re either an alcoholic or an IV drug user--or it’s gay sex.”

But he made clear that neither his cancer—which is in remission—nor cirrhosis has defeated him.

“I’m still Robert Schimmel,” he said. “They took away my hair and my work, but they didn’t touch my heart and my faith in humanity.”

Sure enough, a few hours after his appearance on Stern he was looking at some 300 messages on his Facebook page. One listener even called up to offer to be a living liver donor—for which there is no waiting list.

“For anybody who says Howard Stern doesn’t have the same impact on satellite radio, his show today could save my life,” he said. “I think I’ll go back to the hotel and cry.”

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