DAVE BAPTIST with son BRENNAN

Dave Baptist is an educator of History at Moreau Catholic High School, as well as a successful coach for the school’s golf team. And while these both serve very noble and respectful causes, Baptist obtains a certain humorist capacity that places him close among the likes of P.J. O’Rourke, Dave Barry,  and Christopher Moore. Baptist, quite simply, is an impressive artisan of comedic writing. When asked to share a bit about himself and his writing endeavors, Baptist openly and humorously had this to say:

“I’m a Hayward native and currently live in Pleasanton with my wife of 3 1/2 years, Beth, and 20-month old son, Brennan (who in 13+ years would certainly like to escort your daughter to major high school functions/dances).

“I co-wrote teleplays for SF cable-access shows:  No Network Television, Cappers Corner and New Vegas Lounge – all skit-comedy/variety shows … writing sessions generally consisted of one table, 2-4 writers, one bottle of Jim Beam, no glasses, 3 legal pads and one pencil.  We didn’t completely finish many teleplays, but we completely finished every bottle of bourbon.  I also played a few different characters on these shows, which were mainly broadcast live in SF.  Since we barely rehearsed, if at all, the script went out the window by page 2 … making the bourbon an even wiser time investment.  We would bring the live tape back to the editing bay, plus a couple ‘necessary’ retakes after our performance … the edited version of the show would run in Fremont and a couple other cities.  I was living in Fremont at the time and I’d routinely be approached in the Safeway near my house.  The conversation would go as follows:

Person:   Hey, you’re on that Vegas show!

Me (debating Cocoa Puffs or Cocoa Pebbles):  Yes!  I am on that Vegas show!

[Uncomfortable silence.]

Me (suddenly really into being recognized):  Do you remember what the show was about?

Person:  No!

[More silence. Seemingly less comfortable than the last.]

Me:  Well, it’s kind of a train wreck, with the lights and the big hair and …

Person:  Huh?

[We did shows for the better part of eight years in-between 1992-2000.  Good times.]

“In 1992, my buddy Dan Pavlik and I wrote The Everyday Guide to Everyday Stuff.  Dan made that happen … and if we sell any screenplays, it’ll be because Dan made it happen.  As far as the book goes, compiling the list of things to cover was easily the most enjoyable part … that really is an interminable process, thinking of things we do everyday that teeter between the sublime and the ridiculous.

 

“The two screenplays Dan & I have written are Nominated and The Ticket.  Nominated is the story of a former TV child-star turned Hollywood train-wreck.  He’s nominated for an Oscar, playing a role in an indie nobody’s seen.  His agent wants to sign deals in the wake of the nomination, but knows he’s got little time before the actor, Mickey, implodes via some TMZ scandal.  So the agent exiles Mickey to Arnold, the little town in the Sierra foothills … thinking Mickey can get some r’n’r while projects are lined up.  So the story is Mickey fucking up with what limited means are available to him.

“The screenplay was submitted to the Nichol Fellowship.  The MPAA conducts the ‘competition’ (somehow, this makes me think of the Westminster Kennel Club) for unproduced works.  Out of 5,200+ entries, we made it to the round of 261 … which apparently is an achievement unto itself.  With better grooming, we might’ve made it to the semi-finals.

“The Ticket is about a broke (no cash, credit cards, car, cell phone, power’s turned off, about to get thrown out of his place, girlfriend’s left him …) 20-something guy in Seattle who realizes he’s holding a million-dollar parlay card from a Vegas casino.  His problem:  the ticket is void in a little over 24 hours and he has to get to the Vegas casino to collect.  The story might be Swingers meets Midnight Run, maybe in a rare three-way with The Pick-Up Artist.

“I finished the first draft in August, 2001 … I totally threw the thing on the top shelf of the closet after 9/11.  I lost the motivation for working on it, didn’t find it funny, whatever.   In the wake of the ‘qualified success’ of Nichol, producers who’ve contacted Dan wanted to know what else he’s got, so we’ve been re-working The Ticket.”

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Baptist conducts his unrelenting wit with a certain craze that is both explosive and unforgiving. His prose reflects careful pacing and hilarious scrutiny over often effervescent subject matter. And once he has you locked-in as a reader, you’ll soon deduct that his humor writing is enjoyably innovative.  And when Baptist and Pavlik partner up to conduct their comedic prose, you can expect fireworks.