The Roger Post: "Virtual babies don't need to be changed!"
Oh my God! I'm having a celebrity baby! And another one! And another! I just keep popping them out. Selena Gomez, Justin Bieber, Olympian Lolo Jones, Ariel the Little Mermaid...I just can't stop.
I do admit that some of my choices are a little suspect, but when I get around a celebrity, I just...I just...and the next thing I know, I'm pregnant.
It's ok, I'm not expecting Justin Bieber to marry me, heavens no, but most celebrities are honorable people (how else did they become celebrities?) and I expect that even though most of my celebrity babies are the result of one-night stands, these people will live up to their reputations for decency and do the right thing and support my babies.
I love all of my celebrity children equally as if they were my own, and each is special in his or her own way (I'm talking to you Chewbacca jr.) and each one will become famous just like their famous parent, or even more. I just know it.
Regina Fabiana et al Gomez Ziegler
My child with Selena Gomez, Regina Fabiana Carmen Acacia Magdalena Catalina Deborah Ramona Luke Skywalker Gomez Ziegler is becoming quite a young lady and the spitting image of her mom and dad. Regina is studying animal husbandry at college, but so far, she has no proposals.
Mordechai Shlomo Bieber Ziegler
Mordechai, or Morty as we called him, became a strict Satmar Chasidic Jew shortly after this picture was taken. But he always comes by on Saturdays to visit, mostly because he still lives in our basement.
Bolo Molo Lolo Jones Ziegler
Here is my child with national and Olympic track and field champion and bobsledder Lolo Jones. She is a striking young lady and a gypsy has predicted she will become the dictator of a small Latin American nation where a sculpture made from the teeth of lethargic dissidents will be unveiled in her honor. We couldn't be more proud.
Chewbacca Ziegler Jr.
There is nothing more precious than holding little baby Chewbacca. She keeps us warm in winter, but she does suffer from fur balls in summer. We call her Chewie, mostly because she gnaws through everything from cribs to fences to cows.
Shiva Vishnu Lakshmi Ziegler
Shiva is the son (or daughter) of myself and supermodel/cookbook author/Top Chef tv host Padma Lakshmi. Unfortunately, our child displays absolutely no cooking talent whatsoever so far. Good news, and strangely, she has no problems at all learning the Klingon language.
Margaret Archibald Angus Ziegler
Here is our sweet little Maggie, my child with the former conservative Prime Minister of Great Britain. As a baby, she showed an early interest in politics, organizing an independent republic in her nursery school, free from the tyranny of "socialized nap time" and "collectivist ideas" about sharing her toys.
Marina Liquidia Ziegler
Wouldn't you know Ariel, the Little Mermaid and I had twins! And no, it was not from in vitro fertilization, no matter what the tabloids say. Marina loves to sing and dance, no surprise there. She does have a massively bad case of eczema however, but we're using a fish scaler for that.
Brandon James Dean Mermaid Ziegler
Baby Brandon, twin sister to Marina, is full of love and energy and those accusations by the other moms of him beating up their kids, stealing their toys and dropping "F" bombs everywhere, are because they are just jealous.