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Top 20 Madison Montgomery quotes from 'AHS: Coven'

Emma Roberts played wicked-tongued Madison Montgomery in 'AHS: Coven'
Photo by Mike Coppola/Getty Images

[WARNING: This article contains spoilers about the third season of "American Horror Story," which aired on FX from October of 2013 to January of 2014.]

Of the young witches attending Miss Robichaux’s Academy in "American Horror Story: Coven," Madison Montgomery best fits the first episode’s title, Bitchcraft. She’s a fiercely heartless Hollywood Diva (with a capital “D”), sent to the school after using her telekinetic powers to kill a director who dared criticize her. Incredibly triumphant when she uses this same power to overturn a bus filled with the frat boys who raped her, but unfortunate that the innocent Kyle also perished in the fiery crash.

Emma Roberts, new to the show for Coven (season 3), portrayed Madison with unparalleled icy flippancy. Daughter of Eric Roberts and niece of Julie Roberts, she was previously best-known for the tween show "Unfabulous," and, as her entrance into the horror world, as Sidney's cousin in the fourth installment of the "Scream" series.

Roberts met three-season show veteran Evan Peters (who played Kyle in Coven) prior to being cast in “AHS” -- when he played her romantic interest in the independent film “Adult World.” The two soon became romantically linked. Last January, six months after making headlines for a physical struggle in a Montreal hotel room (click here to read more), they announced their engagement. (Click here for more on their engagement, here for more on their work together, and here for more on their early relationship.)

Madison initially brings Kyle back, Frankenstein style, for the benefit of Zoe (Taissa Farmiga). In episode 4, Supreme witch Fiona (Jessica Lange) senses Madison’s powers growing and slashes her throat, fearing that Madison will soon take her place. Life-giving witch Misty (Lily Rabe) resurrects her, but Madison laments that she’s unable to feel anything. She finds an exception to her numbness when she hooks up with Kyle. But he loves Zoe. In the final episode, after Zoe is killed accidentally, Kyle holds Madison responsible for not bringing her back, and, reminiscent of “Blade Runner,” creature kills creator.

So glad her episode 4 death wasn't really the end so Madison could continue whipping out her zingers until season finale. Roberts will return for season 4, Freak Show, next fall. While waiting for deets on that, enjoy cool original artwork of and quotes from one of the witchiest witches of Coven’s coven.


20.  I’m Madison Montgomery.
20. I’m Madison Montgomery. Svetlana Prokhorova (Lanka69)

20. I’m Madison Montgomery.

I make $7 million a picture. I have two Teen Choice awards.

Original artwork by Svetlana Prokhorova (Lanka69). Used with the artist's permission. Check out more from this artist on her Deviant Art page.

19. Fiona: Your powers, you've been feeling them growing? Madison: Yeah, like crazy. Fiona: Have you ever wondered why? Madison: Uh, apart from my being awesome?

18. Madison: What do you expect to get with that stupid cake? Nan: Just being neighborly. What do you expect go get with that dress? Madison: Laid. He's going to be my fall fling.

17. Is this where we all sing Kumbaya?

16. Madison: You wanna be my slave tonight? Archie: What's in it for me? Madison: Are you stupid? Slaves get nothing. Now why don't you get me another drink.

15. Queenie: You were never my friends. Madison: Oh, boo-friggin'-hoo. You switched teams because girls were mean to you. Fiona slit my throat. You don't see me b*tching out.

14. Joan: You're mocking my grief. Madison: Not your grief. Maybe the outfit. God works in mysterious ways, Joanie. Roll with it.

13. Madison: Zoe, look around this room. Okay, what do you see? Zoe: Tragedy. Madison: I see potential. Look, nice legs over here. A great set of guns … We take the best boy parts, we attach them to Kyle's head, and we build the perfect boyfriend. Zoe: Is this just a joke to you? Madison: No, it's a challenge. All we have to do is follow this recipe. Find me a saw.

12.  It was horrible.
12. It was horrible. Shelire

12. It was horrible.

I was stuck on a network musical. It was a live version of “The Sound of Music.” I wasn't even the lead. I was Liesl.

Original artwork by Shelire. Used with the artist's permission. Check out more from this artist on her Deviant Art page.

11. Hmm, good luck keeping him away from me. He's so backed up all I'd have to say is "panties" and he'd j*zz his jeans.

10. It's too hot. My frickin' vagina's sweating.

9. I am a Millennial. Generation Y. Born between the birth of AIDS and 9/11, give or take. They call us "the Global Generation." We are known for our entitlement and narcissism. Some say it's because we're the first generation where every kid gets a trophy just for showing up. Others think it's because social media allows us to post every time we fart or have a sandwich for all the world to see. But it seems that our one defining trait is a numbness to the world, an indifference to suffering. I know I did anything I could to not feel. Sex, drugs, booze. Just take away the pain. Take away my mother and my a--hole father. And the press, and all the boys I loved who wouldn't love me back. Hell, I was gang raped, and two days later I was back in class like nothing happened. I mean, that must have hurt like hell, right? Most people never get over stuff like that, and I was, like, "Let's go for Jamba juice." I would give everything I have or will ever have just to feel pain again. To hurt.

8. That swamp b*tch can't even spell her own name, and now she gets the keys to the kingdom? I mean, I came back from the dead.

7.  Madison: Maybe not today.
7. Madison: Maybe not today. AlexanderLS Portraits

7. Madison: Maybe not today.

But a year from now ... the phone rings, and, "Hey, girlfriend, it's Auntie Stevie. Need some mojo..." Everything's transactional. Guy buys you dinner, he expects a b---job. Welcome to earth. Misty: Hey, are you trying to say that Stevie was working me? Madison: Players only love you when they're playin'.

Original artwork by AlexanderLS Portraits. Used with the artist's permission. Check out more work from this artist on his Facebook page or his Tumblr page.

6. Madison: [To Fiona] Surprise, b*tch. I bet you thought you'd seen the last of me ... I'm the next Supreme. I brought myself back. Looks like you've got some 'splainin' to do ... We all know the playbook on this. You killed me, so we burn you at the stake. I'm gonna bring marshmallows and graham crackers to make s'mores.

5. Zoe: Queenie's dead. Madison: We don't know that ... She could be at the Souplantation, you know how much that b*tch loves a bottomless bowl. Should we go to the morgue? Zoe & Nan: No. Madison: For witches, you guys are SUCH squares.

4. Myrtle: Oh, Madison, You are the worst kind of Hollywood cliché: a bobble head with crotchless panties! Madison: And you're a dried-up old Hot Pocket, but I don't judge. Myrtle: You can't speak to me that way - I am your elder. Madison: Welcome to the Revolution, Carrot Top. As the next Supreme, I'm gonna drive this coven out of the Dark Ages. Crotchless panties for everyone.

3. Madison: She thinks I’m the next Supreme. Nan: Why can’t it be me? Madison: Because you’ve got no style and your pits smell like fishsticks.

2. Zoe: Don't you care at all? Madison: Have you met me?

1. Either crown me, or kiss my a--.

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