"Isn't it ironic? We ignore those who adore us, adore those who ignore us, hurt those who love us, and love those who hurt us." - Ellen Hopkins
If the above quote makes any sense to you, chances are you've been attracted to an "emotionally unavailable" person at some point in your life. It's also a phrase that's coined for the old term, "unrequited love."
For some of us with childhood issues, loving the ones who can't love us back seems normal.
I've coined the term "crumb addiction" to describe this phenomenon. "Crumbs" are an analogy for the fleeting remnants of hope that one sees in their beloved that some love and attention could fall wayside of their cold exterior. Hence the victim is hooked, or "addicted" to the smallest version of what is healthy and sustaining for life, such as a whole loaf of bread.
Crumb addicts are starving for attention and are hooked on the emotionally unavailable person to drop a few clues that he or she is interested in them.
You may not even be aware that you're subconsciously drawn to such people. After all, society accepts that we should fall in love with the magical, mythical "someone" who gets us, wants us, and will be there for us when we are down in our luck.
But that's not always the case in real life relationships. Scratch those rom-coms and romance movies.
Have you ever questioned why the person you're dating fades away, disappears or gives hot and cold signals that leave you, well, confused, to say the least? Chances are you've been dating an emotionally unavailable person (EUM for emotionally unavailable male and EUF for emotionally unavailable female, for short).
If you're a single parent, wasting time with such a person would not only be moot for you, but possibly detrimental to your children who get mixed up in unnecessary drama. After all, if you're showing them that it's okay to chase after crumbs, chances are good that they will follow in your footsteps and choose EU partners in life.
And you sure don't want them to suffer the slow death of unrequited love, would you?
Here are seven signs you're dating an emotionally unavailable person. Time to cut the strings and move on.
1. Their actions don't match their words
1. Their actions don't match their words.
Emotionally unavailable types don't normally want to come clean that they're cold as ice, so they'll try to convince you there are real emotions behind the wall protecting their heart. Only way to tell it's fake is if their actions never back up their words.
2. They go incognito
2. They go incognito.
No matter how charming he or she comes on initially, EU people tend to disappear randomly for unpredictable amounts of time. They want to keep you in suspense as part of their "crazy-making ways." Most likely, they're the ones who are dazed and confused and want to pass along those feelings onto you.
3.They are commitment-phobes
3. They are commitment-phobes.
He or she may or may not admit that they're not looking for commitment from the beginning, but sooner or later you will sense that's the truth. How can you tell? They avoid using terms like "boyfriend/girlfriend" when they address you to others.
4. He or she is unavailable
4. He or she is unavailable.
Not only are they emotionally unavailable, but physically as well. Just try to call, text or see them when they're not in the mood, so to speak. You'll be lucky to get any response when they're on their "incognito" hiatus. Of course, that doesn't mean they won't come back with a wild card of excuses for why you couldn't get a hold of them.
5. You experience hot and cold snaps
5. You experience hot and cold snaps.
The amazing charm that emotionally unavailable people have is what provides the "crumbs" that make others addicted to them. So while you get swept away with words, attention, affection or ravenous interest one day, be prepared to have zero interaction for days on end. And yes, it will make you wonder if you imagined it all. And yes, it will make you crazy.
6.Your gut instinct will be sounding the alarm bells
6. Your guts will be sounding the alarm bells.
As in, your basic instinct will be telling you that something isn't right; something is off, but you just can't put your finger on it. It's your gut's way of saying, "he/she is just not into you! Move on before your heart gets crushed!"
7. You're shut out
7. You're shut out.
Instead of the "Great Wall of China," you'll experience the sucky wall of disappointment with the emotionally unavailable man or woman. It's from the emotional scars he or she experienced from childhood or bad relationships of their past. Either way, it's not your job to fix them or wait around for them to change. Run now, and run fast. After all, walls are built to keep out intruders.