The "rules of dating" are across the board for decades, but should we follow them?
You know the old adages, like "don't call until the third day" or "never sleep with him/her on the first date." Who came up with these rules, and why? Well, the more we consider them in today's society, the more we realize they either don't work, are set up for failure, or cause a sense of entitlement in dating that no one can guarantee.
What are some of the "rules" you are aware of? Do you agree with them?
So many societal norms have changed since just a few decades ago. What has changed? Well, for instance, we worried about being annihilated by nuclear warfare, the scare of AIDS, staying abstinent until marriage which soon followed with staying cool with your peers to fit in during high school. And hence the early sexual behavior and relationship problems ensued.
What example are you showing your kids?
The biggest question about a single parent dating is, "What example are you showing your kids?" Because as we have learned, kids learn more from their parents' behavior than any preaching statements they say. You are what you do, and all that.
So what "rules" have you found to be outdated? Which would still apply? Which of those would you teach to your kids?
Here's a list of seven rules you should and shouldn't keep in today's modern times.
1. Don't sleep on the first date.
Don't sleep on the first date.
OK, so what if you're horny, haven't had sex in years and your date looks really, really good? Of course, you've learned about their sexual history and checked off and STD's from your list. What's wrong with living in the moment? Certainly, not every date was intended to develop into a relationship and if men can get action without being emotionally attached, why is it so wrong for women? Answer: It's not. Use your own best judgment for when the time is right, and who it's right with.
2. Don't give away personal information.
Don't give away personal information.
It used to be standard that the man picks up the woman from her home but only after she established a level of trust with her date. In today's day and age, once you know a person's last name, phone number or email address, their date can Google all kinds of information about him or her. Be careful what you put out there.
3. Be mysterious.
Well okay then. Do I have to wear a burka and learn to belly dance? Come one. This is 2014 and we don't play games like that any more. Be who you are and don't play games. Guys (or women) will eventually find out what you're made of. This whole cat and mouse spiel is so tiresome. And 1980's.
4. Be open and honest.
Be open and honest.
Sure, you don't have to spill the beans about everything in your life right away, but honesty IS the best policy. So do share information that is asked of you, but don't blurt out all your private details.
5. Don't bring up your ex.
Don't bring up your ex.
Well, quite honestly, there's no escaping the conversation if he or she has been a large part of your life. When your date asks "What is your career?", how do you answer, "I've been a stay-at-home mom for decades" without sounding like a fool? At some point, you'll probably drop the words, "my ex" unless you're totally self sufficient and don't have any contact with your ex. (FYI: impossible if you share custody).
6. Talk about your kids.
Talk about your kids.
While it's premature to talk about your future plans on a first date, stating the facts of your life are a given. Your date should know if you're a single parent, whether or not you want to expand your family or if you're happy being single and having a companion fill up your days. If someone's interested in a future with you, your kids should take front and center of your obligations.
7. Don't talk about your plans.
Talk about your plans.
Like the last item mentioned, you should mention your plans if they limit your future in the terms of family members. But when it comes to plans of marriage and weddings and things that make someone squeamish about the long term, keep it to yourself. My best advice: Let the man bring up the subject. If you agree, great; if not, you can always let him know it's a deal-breaker. And most guys will reveal right away if he's marriage material or just playing the game.