Moms: How to build a strong, loving connection with your son

It is really hard for any mom to hear the phrase, "I can do it myself, Mom!" because we sometimes feel like we are not needed anymore.  It is our responsibility to teach the necessary skills, be sure he's safe, and then allow him to try it.  It's those skills and experience that help to build his self-esteem and self-assurance.  Even the close, maternal, loving relationship that you feel with your son requires time; all relationships do.  You must be willing to play, relax, laugh, and to do things face to face with your son.  Set at least 20 minutes a day that belong just to him.  Remember, put the cell phone away, don't answer emails, and really spend quality time together.  There is nothing better than just spending time just watching and listening to your son.  Ask questions that will open up the dialogue between  you two.  Always let him finish his thoughts before offering suggestions or advice, even if you  anxiously want to disagree or voice your opinion.  This also helps to validate his feelings about a particular matter or subject that he may feel very passionately about.  View the list »
Baby boy

Parenting Issues newsletter

Being a mother to a son is an amazing experience. Raising a son means finding the balance between opposite forces: closeness and distance, support and letting go, and kindness and firmness. Mothers teach their sons some of the most important life lessons early on in their life. Sometimes moms worry that they are not closely connecting with their sons and don’t realize that the bond between a mother and son often grows out of just spending time together. From the time your little guy is a newborn, a good mother is just there. Boys often say that their mom is the one person who truly and genuinely understands them. There is a saying that you can tell how a man will be as a husband by the quality of his relationship with his mom. The bond between a mom and her son is one of the deepest, most enduring relationships he will experience in his lifetime. The following list includes suggestions for how to build a strong, loving connection with your wonderful son.

Related topics

Advertisement
View the list
  • There is nothing better than just spending time just watching and listening to your son.  Ask questions that will open up the dialogue between  you two.  Always let him finish his thoughts before offering suggestions or advice, even if you  anxiously want to disagree or voice your opinion.  This also helps to validate his feelings about a particular matter or subject that he may feel very passionately about.  
  • Even the close, maternal, loving relationship that you feel with your son requires time; all relationships do.  You must be willing to play, relax, laugh, and to do things face to face with your son.  Set at least 20 minutes a day that belong just to him.  Remember, put the cell phone away, don't answer emails, and really spend quality time together.  
  • It is really hard for any mom to hear the phrase, "I can do it myself, Mom!" because we sometimes feel like we are not needed anymore.  It is our responsibility to teach the necessary skills, be sure he's safe, and then allow him to try it.  It's those skills and experience that help to build his self-esteem and self-assurance.  
  • There will come a time when you son's interests and activities that he loves will not be the same as yours.  That's okay.  The important thing is to share his enthusiasm and love for his interests.  Ask questions, go to an event with him, be his number one fan.  Understanding your son's world will keep you connected and build a stronger relationship.  
  • Even little guys need time to themselves.  Your son may choose to spend alone time in his room, or want to play on the computer without someone hovering over them.  You can show him that you love him and still respect his need for private space.  The problem arises when there is a loss of respect and sometimes can lead to alienation.  
  • Provide kind, firm discipline and always follow through; always.  Your son wants consistency and routine and without it he may feel lost, anxious, or nervous about what to expect.  Learn effective discipline skills; then be willing to set reasonable limits and follow through.  This also helps to establish and re-affirm a respectful relationship between you and your son.  
  • The thought that one day your son may be embarrassed if you hug or kiss him in public is a fear that all mommies of little guys have.  But, as your son gets older he may be uncomfortable with hugs or kisses in front of certain people or friends and you should try to respect his feelings about this.  There is nothing worse than the feeling of awkwardness or embarrassment to ruin a relationship.  Respecting his needs will keep the connection relaxed and open.  
View the list

, Minneapolis Parenting & Education Examiner

Marina Lumsden-Family and Parenting Development Program Family Worker ...

Advertisement

Today's top buzz...