More people today than ever before are divorcing in their late 30’s to early 50’s with children ranging in ages from young toddlers to late teens. How does one find love again while juggling children, a job, and all the responsibilities of being a single parent?
One of the biggest problems that a person may face is the lack of a support system. Many people find themselves alone with children, dealing with the legal system, mediation, lawyers and the never ending divorce drama adding to more stress to their already stressful lives. Unlike when a spouse may pass away and a person has a support system, time to grieve, heal and no battling in court for years they can move on with their lives and find love again. Divorce for many people is the same as a loss in many ways, because they lose a marriage, a life with the other person, and their identity as a married person, yet there is no time to grieve this loss.
The understanding of the loss by others that may have been a support system if there was a death are less likely to be of support for a person going through the death of a marriage.
Steps to managing your life after divorce:
- Hire a person to help you organize your bills, daily scheduling, or help with children. Keeping organized can eliminate a great deal of stress.
- The next step is to take care of your health give yourself time to grieve and regenerate your life. Allow time to grieve, time to adjust to life as a single person.
- Before looking for love again, or getting involved in a quick feel good relationship, allow time for adjustment. Depending on the amount of time married, children, financial situation and so forth, our minds take time to let go of the old routine and adjust to a new one. There have been studies done on brain imaging showing, how the brain is wired to a set pattern or a way of life and when there is a sudden break or change, it will take time for the brain to adjust. The reason that so many people after a divorce jump into a new relationship is the brain is looking for a quick fix. A person will feel unstable or uncomfortable for a time without a partner or the same pattern, and not having that the brain sends out signals to fill that void.
- Understand that the instability or feelings of loss of control will eventually go away in time. Without time to heal many people jump from one bad relationship to another never fully getting over the first or allowing the brain to adjust.
- Put the time and effort into improving oneself instead of looking outside oneself to feel better is a way to empower the mind and the body. Once a person can be independent and learn how to care for themselves. then finding another person to be their partner or spouse again, will be a union of supportive, loving each other rather than healing or fixing each other.
It is possible to find love again after a divorce, and understanding that you may have changed and grown from going through the process can also be a positive step. Take one day at a time, knowing that tomorrow can only be lived in the moment, be positive and keep strong!
When going through a divorce, it can be very stressful when paper work, kids school work, and bills get unorganized. So many people spend hours looking for things because life becomes so chaotic that they don't allow themselves time to get organized. If you need help then ask for it, or spend a little money to hire someone to help you! An organized life will help with adjusting to single life again much easier, especially when juggling, work, kids and going through the process of a divorce!
Help with the children
Having help with taking care of children can be a single parents most important way to deal with stress. Many times parents will feel so guilty with the divorce itself that they think they have to spend every minute with the children, but if it is not giving them the attention they need because the parent is so stressed themselves then it is likely to be unhealthy for the child. It is important that a parent have some time alone to get organized, get healthy and grieve the loss of the marriage.
Time To Heal
The loss of a marriage is as painful as the loss of a loved one. The same emotional feeling takes place in the brain and the body. The other person that you shared your life with is no longer there, and the security or routine of marriage is no longer a part of a person's life. Most people do not understand the importance of allowing one self to take the time to get over the loss, without that time, a person is likely to end up in another bad relationship.
Finding a Support System
Having someone to talk to about the divorce is a part of the healing process. Finding a support group, a counselor, or a friend can help make the person feel less alone. Sharing feelings instead of keeping them inside can relieve stress as well as lesson the chances of turning to alcohol or substance abuse.
It is so easy to forget about one's health when going through a divorce, but it can be extremely helpful to relieve stress and not get sick. Exercise and eating healthy can help with sleep problems and the overall feeling of loss or depression that can be accompanied with the loss of a marriage.
Finding Love Again
There is a light at the end of the tunnel and over time, people find love again. The best love is one that is healthy, and supportive. Taking time to heal from the divorce and adjusting to single life can be frightening at times but over time it can also make a person healthy, strong, independent and ready to find love again.