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How to pick up men: A guide for shy girls

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In the modern world, being single is quite different from what it was a few decades ago. Earlier, women didn’t have to try hard to find a suitable partner. These days, you’re fortunate if a man willingly makes the first move after you’ve passed him in a bar. Many dating experts have been unable to explain why times have changed, and tables have turned around like this.

Some people think that empowerment of women has been the major reason for this drastic change. Men have become a bit intimidated, and don’t want to make the first move. Others believe men have just got lazy, and want women to approach them. They just want to avoid the nuisances of going through various stages to court a girl.

Regardless of what the reasons may be for this change, it is worth mentioning that many women are still shy. They don’t know how to approach men, and make the first move. If you wonder how to pick up men, you’ve come to the right place. If you’re a shy girl, here are some effective tips to pick up men.

Visit a Bar Solo

There are not many girls who try this. In fact, it may sound scary to you. However, if you pick a good neighborhood, visiting a bar solo won’t be a big problem. You should just find a bar which you’ve visited with your friends before. It would be even better if you visit a bar where you know the bartender.

This way, you won’t have to awkwardly sit around. Instead, other people would think you’re a local. They may even think you frequent the bar a lot or you’re friends with the bartender. Once you’ve firmly planted yourself at the bar, the real fun begins. Are you looking for just sex? If so several single women attend swinger clubs.

[Single swinger women are called Unicorns, read more:Benefits of being a Unicorn]

Face the Crowd for a Moment

If you want to know how to pick up men, you need to know your type. Once you’re hanging at the bar, you should take a moment to face the crowd. It will help you decide what kind of guys you want to mingle with. You should face outward, and take a gander. If you see someone you like, just pass a smile at him. If this guy’s single and looking, he will definitely walk over.

Never Take Rejection Personally

If the guy does not walk over, you should not take it personally. It’s possible that he’s already taken or you’re not his type. Rejection should never be taken personally. Just like every man in the bar is not your type, you may not be considered suitable by some men. You just need to keep looking.

Always be Ready to Ask Questions

If the guy you like walks over after your smile, you’re in luck. You can easily start a friendly chat. You need to keep it friendly, and avoid pressurizing the guy. Most of the time, a guy will try to lead the conversation. If he walked over, he would like to take control. You should take his lead, and give your inputs on the subject which is being talked about. If you’re not aware of the topic, make some subtle efforts to change the subject.

If you notice some awkward silences, there’s no need to panic. It’s possible that the guy’s just nervous. You also need to let him know that you’re willing to go out with him again. If you want him to ask your number, say something like "I had a good time, let’s hang out again sometime". This will encourage him to get over his nervousness and ask for your number.

Expect Indifference and Rejection

If he takes your number and calls, it’s quite obvious that he had a good time. However, if he doesn’t, you need to expect that rejection is a possibility. You should always be prepared for men being somewhat indifferent.

There are many men who aren’t looking to date for some reason. You should never take it personally. Maybe the guy just does not want to get in a serious relationship. You need to believe that there’s no problem with you. You’re pretty awesome, and the guy just doesn’t realize it.

By the end of the night, you need to look for both positive and negative signs from guys you seem to like. When you want to know how to pick up men, you need use these basic tips to make sure you’re not single anymore.

Related Articles:

Swinger wife: Wife sharing from a woman's perspective

Five major tips for first time swingers

Swinging: There are some rules you should follow

Visit a Bar Solo
Visit a Bar Solo shutterstock

Visit a Bar Solo

There are not many girls who try this. In fact, it may sound scary to you. However, if you pick a good neighborhood, visiting a bar solo won’t be a big problem. You should just find a bar which you’ve visited with your friends before. It would be even better if you visit a bar where you know the bartender.

This way, you won’t have to awkwardly sit around. Instead, other people would think you’re a local. They may even think you frequent the bar a lot or you’re friends with the bartender. Once you’ve firmly planted yourself at the bar, the real fun begins.

Face the Crowd for a Moment
Face the Crowd for a Moment shutterstock

Face the Crowd for a Moment

If you want to know how to pick up men, you need to know your type. Once you’re hanging at the bar, you should take a moment to face the crowd. It will help you decide what kind of guys you want to mingle with. You should face outward, and take a gander. If you see someone you like, just pass a smile at him. If this guy’s single and looking, he will definitely walk over.

Never Take Rejection Personally
Never Take Rejection Personally shutterstock

Never Take Rejection Personally

If the guy does not walk over, you should not take it personally. It’s possible that he’s already taken or you’re not his type. Rejection should never be taken personally. Just like every man in the bar is not your type, you may not be considered suitable by some men. You just need to keep looking.

Always be Ready to Ask Questions
Always be Ready to Ask Questions shutterstock

Always be Ready to Ask Questions

If the guy you like walks over after your smile, you’re in luck. You can easily start a friendly chat. You need to keep it friendly, and avoid pressurizing the guy. Most of the time, a guy will try to lead the conversation. If he walked over, he would like to take control. You should take his lead, and give your inputs on the subject which is being talked about. If you’re not aware of the topic, make some subtle efforts to change the subject.

If you notice some awkward silences, there’s no need to panic. It’s possible that the guy’s just nervous. You also need to let him know that you’re willing to go out with him again. If you want him to ask your number, say something like "I had a good time, let’s hang out again sometime". This will encourage him to get over his nervousness and ask for your number.

Expect Indifference and Rejection
Expect Indifference and Rejection shutterstock

Expect Indifference and Rejection

If he takes your number and calls, it’s quite obvious that he had a good time. However, if he doesn’t, you need to expect that rejection is a possibility. You should always be prepared for men being somewhat indifferent.

There are many men who aren’t looking to date for some reason. You should never take it personally. Maybe the guy just does not want to get in a serious relationship. You need to believe that there’s no problem with you. You’re pretty awesome, and the guy just doesn’t realize it.

By the end of the night, you need to look for both positive and negative signs from guys you seem to like. When you want to know how to pick up men, you need use these basic tips to make sure you’re not single anymore.

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