How To Murder Your Relationship

Blending families isn’t easy so it’s important that boundaries are  set early on to allow room for growth into that “One Big Happy Family” you may desire. Sibling rivalry and resentment are real emotions that can make the difference between alienation and acceptance.  It’s important that everyone be heard in an argument and as much as possible, allow the children to figure out solutions to all disagreements, which do not require medical or police attention, on their own.Relationships can be taxing enough without the interference of one of the most important people in your life, your parent. We value the opinions of our parents even when we sometimes disagree with the advice. Mother knows best.  Many arguments have been fueled by comments like “my mother always said….” and “My father never approved of …” Knowing when to include and exclude parents in your life can be the difference between growing old with your mate or growing old with your mother.There’s a song about breaking up only to turn around and make up. While these activities can create passion and romance they can also become rather exhausting. Relationships require work. They require energy, compromise, communication, timing and listening. Try not to create more drama than your partner can handle. Absence can make the heart go yonder.View the list »
Eddie and Nicole Murphy before splitsville

Relationship Advice newsletter

Eleven ways to take your happy relationship to the grave. Here we've listed a few things to think about in your relationships. If you'd like to move them forward, hold them steady or kill the relationship, not the person. In this list you will certainly find at least one sabotaging behavior you've committed in your dating, relationship, partnership, or marriage. Hopefully, you will have read this in the nick of time to change correct or simply acknowledge you part in the slaying of love.

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The back and forth of a relationship,interfering family members, unruly children, routines wrecking your love-life, money problems, past relationships, giving up, uniting during tough times, sex and intimacy, meddling friends, and reality checks.

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  • There’s a song about breaking up only to turn around and make up. While these activities can create passion and romance they can also become rather exhausting. Relationships require work. They require energy, compromise, communication, timing and listening. Try not to create more drama than your partner can handle. Absence can make the heart go yonder.
  • Relationships can be taxing enough without the interference of one of the most important people in your life, your parent. We value the opinions of our parents even when we sometimes disagree with the advice. Mother knows best.  Many arguments have been fueled by comments like “my mother always said….” and “My father never approved of …” Knowing when to include and exclude parents in your life can be the difference between growing old with your mate or growing old with your mother.
  • Blending families isn’t easy so it’s important that boundaries are  set early on to allow room for growth into that “One Big Happy Family” you may desire. Sibling rivalry and resentment are real emotions that can make the difference between alienation and acceptance.  It’s important that everyone be heard in an argument and as much as possible, allow the children to figure out solutions to all disagreements, which do not require medical or police attention, on their own.
  • Not trying new things can mean the difference between a total disconnection and the natural ebbs and flows of any relationship. There’s a reason it’s called the honeymoon phase, because after time, reality sets in, the bills must be paid, the dishes must be cleaned and the dog must get walked. But if you try and make sure to add something new to your relationship at least quarterly, it’ll keep your mate on their toes not knowing what to expect. Take any one of your daily chores and do them with a twist, try having sex in a different room for no reason at all.
  • Cheating continues to lead the list of reasons couple’s divorce, but money issues always run a very close second. This happens especially when one mate has spent household dollars on  an extramarital affair.  Money, moolah, the almighty dollar or cold hard cash whatever you like to call it money still plays a major role in the demise of relationships in this country. Problems with money include: not having enough of it, having too much of it, having it and disagreeing about what to spend it on, how it’s made, how it’s saved and how it’s spent.  Lack of love falls to a distant third after money.
  • There s a reason they are your ex-lover. Allowing a past relationship to affect your current situation is not the best idea. There is a difference between acknowledging your pasts mistake to prevent repeating them and living in the past. Many times we compare our past to our future and before you know it, you can do damage to the current relationship.  Loving without surrender can be hard, but each new relationship deserves its own chance. There is a reason they are your ex-lover.
  • All relationships come with the ups and downs of connecting. Some days you are on exact same page, other days you may wonder who the person  standing next to you is, as your viewpoints are so very different. Connecting to your partner is essential to creating a bond that will let this partnership withstand the tests of time. When you find that you are no longer connecting to your mate you must acknowledge those feelings. A great way to murder your relationship and build resentment is to stay in the relationship physically but check out emotionally.
  • Once you’ve committed to the relationship you must make a pact that you will lean on each other first before you lean on family or others when times get tough. While family is extremely important, it defines us, it can  answer questions about why we do what we do, but it can also be a crutch that allows us permission not to work on our relationship. Try to remember that your partner is on your team, and if you find or decide they are not playing fair, it’s OK to trade them.
  • The lack of intimacy can cause a strain on your relationship. Most couples enter into a relationship due to the physical attraction to one another but fail to nurture that aspect of your relationship; things can go downhill rather quickly. Studies have shown that simply kissing each other at every greeting and at every departure stimulates the heart and releases endorphins that are good for sex.  Sex with your mate is always good for your relationship.
  • We can agree that sometimes a friend outside of the relationship can see a little more clearly than the person inside the situation, but it becomes tricky when they give advice about what they see in a negative way. In every relationship, it will ultimately be the decision of the couple inside the relationship to stay or go, to take it or not take it, to speak up or remain silent.  Listening to your friends or any outsiders who offer advice about your relationship should be done with caution.
  • Childhood can be so wonderful, the fairy tales of princesses and dragon slayers, all of the stories made sense. These stories all had happy endings and genuinely made us feel better about ourselves. Though we age chronologically we somehow hold on to those stories and subconsciously look for someone to slay our dragons like when we were children. It can be confusing and disheartening when your princess has saved herself, balanced the checkbook, fixed the leaky toilet and cooked dinner. Recognizing the difference between fairy tales and reality in 2013 will help you adjust to adulthood in a manner that allows you to dream a realistic dream.
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, Chicago African American Relationships Examiner

Gina Lamar Evans M.P.H. is a divorced relationship enthusiast. As a relationship enthusiast, she hosts Monday Night Mingle monthly in Chicago and is a regular relationship contributor on the AC Green Show. If you have any article ideas, tips or feedback for Monday Night Mingle topics, contact...

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