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How to get closure without the other person

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Sometimes a relationship ends and you get the perfect amount of closure and understanding that you need to move forward. But that rarely happens. What usually happens is it ends suddenly and you are left with unresolved issues and questions and feelings. You're left wondering what happened! You re-play it over and over in your head, trying to figure out where you went wrong and what you could've done to prevent it. But you can't talk to them about it. It's over. Well, you could talk to them about it, but it would be really awkward. And let's be honest, they probably won't be honest with you because they won't want to "hurt your feelings".

So what do you do? How do you get closure without the other person?

***Did you like this article? If so, SUBSCRIBE to my page to receive updates on future articles. Also, send relationship advice questions or article suggestions to And follow me on Twitter @tcarr_examiner!

Also read: Should you discuss your past in your new relationship?

©Tara Carr 2014, All rights reserved. No part of this article may be reproduced without prior written permission and consent from the author or Clarity Digital Group LLC, DBA

Release your anger
Release your anger Google Images

Release your anger

Find a positive outlet for your anger and frustration. Break a plate. Seriously. Take an extra plate or buy one from the dollar store and break it on the sidewalk! Or try a kickboxing class. A few hiyas and kiais will definitely help you relieve some frustration. It's okay to be upset. Just own it and let it all out!

Write down your thoughts
Write down your thoughts Google Images

Write down your thoughts

Write your feelings in a journal or write a letter or email directly to the person. But you do not have to deliver the letter or send the email to them. Ever! You will feel much better after you just get the feelings out of your head. 

Get in shape
Get in shape Google Images

Get in shape

Run. Fast. Go on the treadmill and hit the highest speed you can handle. Work out. Exercise gives you endorphins and that will really help you get in a better place emotionally. And as a bonus, you'll get in shape! And that will definitely help you move on!

Go to counseling
Go to counseling Google Images

Go to counseling

Just because you need to talk it out, doesn't mean you need to talk to that person. Go to counseling. It's okay to talk to your friends, but at some point, they're going to get tired of hearing about the same person over and over again. You should talk to a professional - someone not connected to the situation, who can help you figure out exactly what happened and what you can learn from it. 

Get new stuff
Get new stuff Shutterstock

Get new stuff

Out with the old and in with the new. Buying new stuff will, of course, make you feel better. Everyone loves a little retail therapy (just make sure you can afford it!). The more important thing, is to eliminate old stuff. Get rid of anything that will remind you of them. You can't move on and get closure if you've still got a bunch of their stuff around to trigger old emotions. 

Attack your bucket list
Attack your bucket list Google Images

Attack your bucket list

Focus on yourself - new you, new look, new attitude. Get a new hair cut. Make new friends. Try something new. Start working on your bucket list. This would be a great opportunity to travel or go on a road trip with your friends. Find a way to renew your relationship with yourself and work on that instead of fixating on your break up and what went wrong. 

Forgive them
Forgive them Google Images

Forgive them

The problem with forgiveness is everyone thinks you have to announce it to the world. You don't! Forgiveness is for you, not the other person. Find a way to truly and honestly let it go. Forgive and forget and work towards moving on. 



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