Have I found the right ONE to marry, or should I walk away? What if I am making a big mistake and this is NOT the right one? How will I really know? These are critical questions you must ask yourself before you decide whether to go forward with the relationship or walk away.
In our more than 30 years of research about successful love, marriage and relationships we have learned the answers to the most commonly asked questions about this subject. At the top of the list are the seven ways to know if you have found the right one to marry.
1. Actions speaks louder than words!
Always remember this – it is not what someone says that matters. It is how they act. If the one you think you love says one thing and does another, beware! If she kicks the dog and tells you how much she loves dogs, beware! If Mr. Right tells you how much he loves you and then disrespects you, beware! Know this – many people who think they are in love, are often confronted with this reality – Mr. Right does not act like Mr. Right; Miss Right does not practice what she purports; and Miss Right demonstrates in many ways the hypocrisy that guides her behavior. Don’t be fooled just because you are in love with being in love!
2. The Donuts always tell the truth!
You say, what in the world are they talking about? Here it is in a nutshell. You and Miss Right go to a donut shop to buy donuts. She asks, “What kind of donut would your like?” You say, “I’d like a chocolate covered chocolate and a glazed donut.” She brings you a French cruller and a cinnamon covered donut! She takes you to a movie and asks – “What would you like to see?” You say, “The Help or Crazy Stupid Love.” She buys tickets for Rise of the Planet Apes.” You get the point. The person you love respects you so little they believe that you don’t know what you like! Go figure.
3. He is always first in line!
You stop to have lunch at your local fast-food restaurant with Mr. Right. Your mother and father are with you. You arrive at the restaurant. He is first in the door. He does not hold open the door for you and your family to enter the restaurant, and he is the first to order! He is likely to wait for you or your parents to pay for the meal. When the meal is over, he expects you to clean up the mess left at the table. He is the first out of the door. Beware of the warning signs! This is not the man you want to marry!
4. She is in the habit of telling you something that isn’t quite true.
Your trust in Miss Right is waning. Your heart (your intuition) is beginning to tell you she is not truthful with you on the things that matter to you. You catch her in lies and distortions, from time to time. She tells you she is going one place and ends up going to another. Miss Right is starting to make you feel uncomfortable about your relationship with her. She is starting to cause you to question her honesty. She turns out to be, in the end, someone you could no longer trust. Isn’t trust at the heart of all loving relationships?
5. You do NOT tingle at the presence of Mr. Right anymore!
There was a time in your relationship when he excited you, made you feel special, made you tingle at the sight of him. But now, you find him to be just another ordinary man – a man without feeling, a man without emotion, and a man who no longer excites you or makes you feel special. There is no doubt about this – feeling positive emotion in a relationship is a pre-requisite to a healthy and happy one. When you no longer have intense feelings for Mr. Right, probably time to move on.
6. Miss Right turns out to be a fraud!
You trusted her, you loved her, and you thought she was at the center of the your universe. Then something happened. She started to disappoint you with her words, deeds, and actions. You could no longer predict her responses, reactions, or the positions she took. She was all over the board. And in the end, you discovered that she was, indeed, a fraud. She had no moral compass, no convictions, no sense of right and wrong, and no emotional center. You are no longer sure of who she actually is. Frankly, you are beginning to wonder if Miss Right is really the Miss Right she pretended to be.
7. Mr. Right thinks Sex is the most important part of your relationship!
Our research over the years has taught us many lessons about the importance of sex in a relationship. In the early stages of a developing relationship, sex seems very important. But here is the real deal – the successfully married couples we have interviewed in 48 countries on seven of the world’s continents tell us this – on a scale of 1 to 10, with 10 high, the importance of sex to the overall success of their marriage as 6.2 on a 10-point scale. This finding does not in any way minimize the importance of sex. It does, however, put it all in perspective. It is not the most important part or sole determiner of a healthy and successful relationship. Don’t be fooled if Mr. Right tells you that your submissiveness in sex is the most important element to the success of your relationship, you know it is time to move on. Sex is fun, but it does not define a successful marriage or relationship. Take that to the bank.
Finding out that the one you think you love is not the right one for you can be devastating, but can also save years of future heartbreak. In How to Marry the Right Guy, we tried to save women from making terrible mistakes and help them live happily ever after with the right man.
By Dr. Charles and Dr. Elizabeth Schmitz
America's #1 Love and Marriage Experts
Discover what happily married women know about what makes a man marriage material and learn other revealing truths in How to Marry the Right Guy.