The Roger Post: "Where everything works all the time. Just not how it was planned."
There is a ton of happiness tips, joyful this and anxiety relief advice out there, but it can be overwhelming. What if you want to be less happy. What kind of tips and advice is out there for you?
If you want more misery and unhappiness in your life, here are 18 un-wellness tips to help you be un-helpful, cranky and more miserable even on the sunniest day.
Do you recognize someone on this list? If so, share it with them, they will hate you for it.
Here, don't enjoy!
Cranky: 18 Illness Tips for Extreme Unhappiness:
1. Complain about everything, everywhere, all the time. Get mad easily. Especially about things you, nor anyone else has any control over like the weather, car traffic, the bus schedule, your bladder.
2. Ask for a "discount" with every financial transaction. Your first question is, “discount?” This applies at the supermarket, annual dues to your temple/church, children's lemonade stand.
3. Say “it's never gonna work,” to every idea, suggestion or thought that you or anyone else has that could possibly make even the slightest improvement in your wretched life.
4. Keep to a strict routine that is totally inflexible, no matter what. If your plane is leaving but you eat lunch at 12, have lunch first and then complain the airplane took off without you.
5. In everything you see, read or do, wonder “what's the scam?” and refuse to be a part of it. This includes Disney and the entire Girl Scouts organization.
6. There is something wrong with everything you eat. Food is either; too hot; too cold; too spicy; too salty; not salty enough; portion too small; portion too big; used to be bigger; used to “choke a horse”; needs more shrimp; has too much shrimp; has too much of the wrong kind of shrimp; breading is too “puffy”; too grilled; too much sabzi in the dolmeh; a little bit overcooked.
7. Insist music is "too loud," wherever you are, whether you're at a classical music concert, in church or silently meditating.
8. Refuse to budge, no matter what. Even if your house is on fire. Someone will put it out, just not you.
9. Find the joyous unrestrained laughter of young children to grate on your every last nerve. Triple your irritation for your own grandchildren. Ask them repeatedly why it takes them 20 minutes to "put on a shoe."
10. Practice sneering and scowling in the mirror for at least one hour everyday. Crankiness is not achieved by accident. Practice makes perfect.
11. It's NOT funny. Find every comedy show, movie, comic strip and comedian to be “absolutely unfunny.”
12. Refuse to bathe or change your clothing, until YOU say so.
13. Yell at customer service people. Berate the $2/hour customer service rep in Bangladesh for the poor service on your $500 smartphone.
14. Get angry at slow pedestrians when you drive and get mad at “crazy drivers” when you walk.
15. Practice impatience. Wonder aloud; “how long is this funeral is going to take?” After all, you still have things to do.
16. "Buzz off!" Tell the EMT's resuscitating you to leave you alone, they're interrupting “Magnum P.I.”
17. If someone brings you a glass of water that you didn't ask for, make sure you tell them, "did I ask for a glass of water!?" Even if you have just come out of wandering 40 days in the Sahara.
18. Sweat the small stuff. Absolutely every little thing is a big, huge deal. Let the world know how you feel about this, at all times.