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An atheist replies to christian bumper stickers

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Many christians like to show off their faith by making their cars look trashy, so today we're taking a look at some that yours truly found over the past week or so. It was fairly heartening to see how few people actually display their beliefs in this way, but by far the most common christian bumper sticker seems to be the Jesus fish, also known as the icthys.

Icthys is the Greek word for fish. The fish became a symbol for christianity in the early days of the religion. Icthys is an acronym for Iēsous Christos, Theou Yios, Sōtēr, which means Jesus Christ, Yahweh's son, savior. They started putting it on the bumpers of Roman chariots when Constantine decided he liked how shiny they were. Not really though. They do that now because people hate their cars.

Jesus suffered to become bling
Jesus suffered to become bling Josh Mitchell

Jesus suffered to become bling

Look at that poor man on the cross.  Should we worship him?  Nah, let's make him all sparkly!  There's something about this bumper sticker that just seems inappropriate even to this atheist.  It's a guy nailed to planks of wood suffering worse than almost anybody can imagine, and they've made a sparkly sticker out of it.

And they love you too if you know what I mean
And they love you too if you know what I mean Josh Mitchell

And they love you too if you know what I mean

Seriously, who loves priests?  Oh yeah, catholics.  All that child molestation stuff aside, they're just creepy looking, don't you think?  They wear those weird robes and speak dead languages while they eye the altar boys.  Oh wait, I was going to leave that alone.  Really, priests probably deserve more pity than anything else.  They were all probably raised catholic by parents who believed in corporal punishment, told their whole lives they shouldn't masturbate or think about sex, and then they go into a line of work where they have to continue to never masturbate or think about sex their whole lives.  Who could stay sane through all that?  Nobody, that's who.

What is orship?
What is orship? Josh Mitchell

What is orship?

Yeah yeah, the W is ripped off.  You'd think the creator would have protected this holy bumper sticker from being damaged like that.  Maybe -- juuuuuust mabe -- he doesn't really exist.  Just throwing it out there.

God bless the dumb cliche!
God bless the dumb cliche! Josh Mitchell

God bless the dumb cliche!

This one combines two religions; christianity and flag waving.  It's pretty widely known that the people in this country most likely to worship both the American flag and the crucifix are ignorant rednecks, but in this part of the country, that's considered a good thing.  The United States is the last place that needs blessing anyway.  Then again, I can see why the people here don't want Yahweh to bless the poorer countries.  If he did that, the people there would get to keep their natural resources, and what would the millionaires here do to continue to get richer?

Keep Christ in your own Christmas
Keep Christ in your own Christmas Josh Mitchell

Keep Christ in your own Christmas

Christ was imposed onto Yule and Saturnalia when Constantine decided religion was a good way to control people.  Who wants to worship a baby anyway when there are presents to open?  Even celebrating birthdays wasn't originally a christian tradition.  Gift giving began in the united states during the industrial revolution, and it was promoted by big companies that wanted to sell more stuff.  Jesus is just a gimmick.

Indoctrinate the children
Indoctrinate the children Josh Mitchell

Indoctrinate the children

They won't indoctrinate themselves. Without people to force kids to believe illogical nonsense, they would grow up to believe only what makes sense, and then they wouldn't be afraid of going to Hell, and then all the priests, rabbis, imams, pastors, and other bible salesmen would have to get real jobs.  Whoops, they don't all go by the bible.  But what's the difference anyway?  Nobody ever reads any of them.

Art meets torture
Art meets torture Josh Mitchell

Art meets torture

Jesus would just love to come back and see reminders of his worst moments all over the place.  Well, if he ever really existed, which he may not have.  It only seems to be the catholics who go all the way and portray the corpse on the cross.  The other wussy sects just show the cross and expect everyone to just picture the carnage.  Yahweh is incredibly bloodthirsty.  Blood was the whole point of the "sacrifice".  He wants us to look at it.  Hey, this one isn't even sparkly enough!

Predecessor to the modern day Darwin Fish
Predecessor to the modern day Darwin Fish Josh Mitchell

Predecessor to the modern day Darwin Fish

That's right, scientists now believe that the Jesus fish evolved into what we now know as the Darwin fish.  They both had similar skeletal structures, but only the Darwin fish has a highly developed brain.

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