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All the single ladies: woman-up in modern dating

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When single men are being told to "man up" in the dating world of modern times, who's speaking for women?

I am.

While it's been an ongoing problem that texting is taking place of calling or meeting in person (even when it's about setting up dates or breaking things off), many of the modern dating issues are a two-faceted problem. It's easy to blame a man if he doesn't pay the bill or hold the door for a lady, but why would any lady put up with that behavior?

Time to admit that dating is a two-sided coin. If men need to "man-up," women need to "woman-up."

For instance ladies, if you get a text instead of a call, do you tell him that you prefer to hear his voice? If not, why not? Are you so afraid of being alone that you would put up with settling for crumbs when you deserve to have the whole loaf?

If you notice that a guy is pulling the hot-and-cold act, he's aloof, or you get mixed signals, do you drop him like a hot fish back into the dating pool? Well why not? Certainly, there are guys who will treat you better, hold doors, pay your way and call you for goodness sakes. Don't waste your time with the clowns who wave their hands to perform when you can have the main event if you're patient enough.

Do yourself a favor and start holding men to a higher standard. We will all benefit when you do.

That includes everything from not allowing ambivalence to pervade your dating experience, to stop playing him (financially or sexually). We really need emotionally mature grown-ups in the dating world, for both men and women.

Here are seven tips for women who need to "woman-up" before they're ready to date.

1. To text, or not to text.
1. To text, or not to text. Bethany Clarke/Getty Images

1. To text, or not to text.

1. To text or not to text.

Do you prefer to talk? Tell him. Won't accommodate? That's OK; he's probably texting several women at once, he's not serious about you or too immature to dial your number. Won't be a huge loss if he falls off your dating radar.

2. Hang with your friends.
2. Hang with your friends. Mario Tama/Getty Images

2. Hang with your friends.

2. Hang with your friends, not a guy.

Why is this hard for women to figure out? You have enough friends you can "hang out" with. You don't need some guy to call you over and "hang." Oh, wait, that's code for "booty call." Well, you don't need that either.

3. Make him date you.
3. Make him date you. Christopher Furlong/Getty Images

3. Make him date you.

3. Make him date you if he thinks you're worthy.

And you know you are. Don't buy the line of "come over to play Parcheesi. If he does, he's the one being cheesy. There is this magical thing called "dating." Men will woo you, take you out and make you feel special. It is real, unlike unicorns. How do I know? I've experienced dating. Unicorns? Not yet.

4. Stop giving away free milk.
4. Stop giving away free milk. Johannes Simon/Getty Images

4. Stop giving away free milk.

4. Stop giving away free milk.

I don't mean technically, but you know the old adage: "Why buy the cow when the milk's for free?" Yeah, do the right thing and stop giving away your feminine energy for free. I'm not saying use it like a leveraging tool, but make a guy earn your sweet, sweet nectar. Those endless booty calls are ruining men!

5. End ambivalence.
5. End ambivalence. Doug Pensinger/Getty Images

5. End ambivalence.

5. End your dating ambivalence.

Don't hold off on the "talk." Tell a guy you're dating what your dating plans are. Ask him what his are. Don't be afraid to ask, "Do you see yourself in a relationship soon?" This whole state of confusion can be stopped with proper communication. If it has to start with you, so be it. Be the man and do it.

6. Don't play him.
6. Don't play him. David McNew/Getty Images

6. Don't play him.

6. Don't play him.

Don't use sex as a tool. Don't date a guy you're not really interested in. Don't be afraid to tell him how you feel about him or that you're interested. I mean, really, we've progressed since middle school, haven't we?

7. Be the woman of value he'll date.
7. Be the woman of value he'll date. Slaven Vlasic/Getty Images

7. Be the woman of value he'll date.

7. Be the woman of value he'll date.

It's easy, really, to navigate dating if you remember this one, simple rule. Be the kind of woman that's worth a  man dating, making an investment in and wanting to protect as his woman later on. Surely, he won't say he's anything but "hanging out" with you if you're respecting him, admiring his worth and showing you care. He is watching you, too, and he won't make the mistake of putting you in the "friend zone" if you're a woman of value. So stop devaluing yourself. We will all thank you if you do.



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