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7 ways to please your lover. They're not what you think.

Love and commitment go beyond saying "I do."
Love and commitment go beyond saying "I do."
Photo by Mike Coppola

How good are you about pleasing your lover?

Most of us fall into two categories: the giver/pleaser and the receiver/taker. In relationships, this can become a problem when one of the two takes control.

Are you happier giving or receiving?

The giver/giver dynamic: when both parties are used to giving in a relationship, it can work well. There will be love and respect (most likely) in the relationship. The ability to share wants and needs will supersede the ego and personal gain.

Are you always giving in to your partner?

The giver/receiver dynamic is unbalanced to begin with. The person who is giving their love unconditionally will eventually cave into feeling resentment. Unrequited love is the worst, at least in my experience.

When both of you are receivers.

If both people in a relationship are used to receiving love and attention, it either never got into motion, or it's doomed to fail quickly. After all, two holes that are being dug side by side are not going to meet and find familiar ground. I know of two takers who got together in divorcing their families. Neither are happy. Neither feels respected. Is that from consequences of how they left their last relationship or the fact that two narcissists can't survive together? We'll probably never know.

50 ways to please your lover.

You may not know how to please your lover, but the fact that he or she saw something in you to stay long term is reason enough to holler a cheer. What kinds of things do you do to show your affection? What does your lover think are the best ways to show your love. There should be a happy medium of the two.

What do you think is the right combination for a happy and healthy relationship? How do kids affect that decision? What kind of person do you seek and why?

Here are seven healthy and unhealthy pairings of relationships. View if you dare. If you like this article and would like to read more, click on "subscribe" next to author's name.

1. Giver and giver
1. Giver and giver Jeff J Mitchell/Getty Images

1. Giver and giver

1. Giver and another giver.

This coupling has a pretty good chance of surviving in a healthy relationship. As long as they open up about each other's needs, they should do well. Each person is motivated to bring out the best in the other. How awesome is that?

2. Giver and receiver
2. Giver and receiver Juan Naharro Gimenez/Getty Images

2. Giver and receiver

2. Giver and a receiver.

Possibly the most universal. Is it healthy? Only if both the giver and receiver are feeling like their needs are being met. Usually we fall into the pursuer - distancer dynamic when it comes to dating. Only drawback is when the pursuer feels like he or she is being used and doesn't feel the love is reciprocated.

3. Receiver and a receiver
3. Receiver and a receiver Cameron Spencer/Getty Images

3. Receiver and a receiver

3. Receiver and another receiver.

Are you both selfish narcissists? If not, then you can still work out. But if you're both looking at each relationship in regard to "what's in it for me," then you'll probably end up resenting each other. Otherwise, one (or both) of you will end up pursuing love in other places. After all, you deserve it, right?

4. Two aloof people
4. Two aloof people Getty Images/Getty Images

4. Two aloof people

3. Two aloof people.

Hey, if you both are happy with giving next to no love to each other and are satisfied with it, more power to you! I'm a Taurus, so being aloof with me is like dying a slow death. I suppose this would work with two introverts who hate people. And fun. And connection.

5. Too passionate
5. Too passionate David Turnley/Getty Images

5. Too passionate

5. Too passionate.

Are you both too passionate about each other? About love, sex and connection? You're going to love that... for a while. But in real terms, you're both doomed? Why? I don't know. I'm just a passionate Taurus still wondering about the fall-out of passionate connections followed by nothing. Hey, deal with it. I do.

6. The giver
6. The giver Rachel Murray/Getty Images for Disney

6. The giver

6. The giver, defined.

Are you more comfortable giving love unconditionally, usually wondering why your sweet intentions are met with users? It's okay. I get it. I'm a giver. And a Taurus (moo!). It doesn't mean you're flawed. You just need to be more careful with who you choose to give your love to. And kudos: you're becoming a dying breed. Don't change your stripes!

7. The receiver
7. The receiver Dean Mouhtaropoulos/Getty Images

7. The receiver

7. The receiver.

Are you used to getting your own way? Do you pride yourself on "winning?" Do you go into dating with an agenda or look at what each of you offers as a material "value?" FYI: You'll probably never find happiness because you're stuck on viewing people as a material possession, like, "what's in it for me?" Ask yourself this: have you ever felt pure joy? Do you seek it from others or produce it yourself? To make it better, you might try empathy and putting yourself in other people's shoes. You never know when love will hit you by being a giver instead of a receiver.