Deep in the darkest abysms of the earth, the dreaded and much malign Mole People conspire with a small but effective group of traitorous human directors in hopes of producing some of the most reprehensible and awful films ever conceived by bitter, diseased minds.
Time and time again I have discussed the dangerous and heinous activities of the Mole People, and their motives for creating terrible cinema. Partly it's out of envy of us -- the Above Dwellers -- who, unlike the Mole People, possess sight, and thus can actually enjoy cinemas and movies while the blind, slobbering Mole People can only see darkness and hate. Partly also, however, their machinations are far more sinister, and their ultimate hope is to create a film so diabolically terrible that it destroys the senses and renders the human race imbecile so that the dreaded Mole People can finally rise out of the corpse-fed earth to take over the surface.
But regardless of their motives, one thing is clear: All of the insanely awful and terrible films that have ever been produced since the twentieth century -- be it in Hollywood or not -- were made with the help and aid of those blind and dreaded beasts beneath the earth, the Mole People.
However, it isn't always that easy to spot a Mole Man production. After all, humans are imperfect, and as such, are more than capable of making terrible films on their own, without the influence of those feared and blind dwellers of the deep. Therefore, one must look for certain signs, certain hints that separate terrible "human" productions and terrible "mole men" productions. Here, gentle reader, are 3 ways to identify whether or not the awful film you have seen was produced by those dreaded Mole People, and information on how to combat the blind and evil menace that runs amok in Hollywood.