She'd look better without the boots.
(and the bra)
Several illnesses were reported across the U.S. this month including the Ugg Boots Virus (UBV), Chihuahua Owner Disease (COD), and Oversized Sunglesses Syndrome (OSS). Though many of them are well-known issues that began early in the decade and have begun to trail off, the Ugg Boots Virus continues to reign terror on the nation and is approaching alarming levels. Experts are now urging friends and families to do everything they can to prevent the virus from further outbreaks.
Last year, 6,527,220 new Ugg Boots Virus cases were reported. Many of these cases involved repeat victims who were unable to change their stale fashions in time to prevent contracting the virus again. Even more alarming is that many of the new cases reported contain a transformed version of the virus that has helped speed the spread the virus. This new string has been linked back to Wal-Mart, Kohl's, and Target which has allowed new classes of Americans to contract the virus -- not just trophy wives at upscale shops.
The Ugg Boots Virus became a household name to the everyday American in 2003 when dozens of A-list celebrities contracted the virus from a fashion-risk lifestyle. But it wasn't until Oprah introduced the virus to millions of Americans that it truly hit the Center for Disease Control's radar. In December of 2003, NPR reported:
In the world of high fashion, the most unlikely styles become fads. This season, the must-have accessory is a pair of Uggs... cloddish sheepskin boots from Australia first popular with surfers in the 1970s. Now all of Hollywood seems to be wearing them. And it's not just a Southern California trend, either. Retailers are selling out as far away as Toronto.
As NPR's Elaine Korry notes, "Ugg mania" may have been pushed over the edge when Oprah Winfrey gave a pair to everyone in her audience. Before that, celebrity sightings: Gwyneth Paltrow and Julia Roberts were spotted wearing them, and Sarah Jessica Parker ordered a special pair in ruby red.
Though unsure of whether Toronto represents the northern or eastern limit, the virus had actually spread as far as the shores of the Atlantic. It spread like wildfire and by February of 2009, the number of women who have contracted the virus is staggering. UBV has affected over 50% of women under 40, 80% of women under 25, and 98% of girl's under 18. It has literally ruined the sex appeal of women across the country.
Dr. Kenneth Noisewater of the Center for Disease Control has never seen anything like it.
This virus kind of began with a bang and women weren't ready to accept the consequences of their decisions. It was a different time back then. Women weren't aware of how ugly they'd become if they contracted UBV. But now we find ourselves, 5 years later, seeing young women continue to contract this virus -- and their behavior is unacceptable. It is very well known that this virus can be avoided by changing simple patterns in shopping behavior, but these young girls continue to ruin their looks. It's appauling...I have no idea how to resolve this.
However, the recent downturn in the economy may prove heroic in killing this horrible virus. On Friday, Bloomberg reported that Deckers Outdoor Corporation, the maker of the virus, expects unchanged or decreased profits in 2009. This is the best sign in 8 years that the UBV may eventually disappear sooner rather than later.
Dr. Kenneth Noisewater sees this as good news.
You know I saw something similar to this in the 60s and 70s. The Nehru Jacket Disease (NJD), which affected millions of Americans in the late 1960s, wouldn't die off until there were economic factors that wiped it out of existence. I can see how this might happen to UBV, but I'm skeptical. These chicks are looking pretty fugly.
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Comments
Good luck finding a girlfriend after writing this article!! :) I love my uggs and I have four of them and My boyfriend says he loves them too. what is wrong with them? You don't even attempt to explain why they are "ugly"!!!!! Everyone knows they are the best boots! would you rather have me wear Sorels? Gimme a break!!!!
I have no problem with Uggs. It's a very easy way to tell if someone is easy. It used to be that you had a 80% chance to sleep with anyone who smokes. But now less people smoke -- so you have to look at the shoes. If a girl wears uggs, you know you have a shot.
you are not guilty of "old fashions" Mr. Dawson? From the looks of your photo, you have a mustache that could put you squarely into the arms of my older sister who had huge bangs in the 1980s. Get with it and shave your mustache before you go telling us to take off our uggs. uggs are way more in fashion than your horrible mustache!
Good call Chuck! My list of 'easy' indicators has been dangerously depleted in recent years, so its always nice when I can add one. The 1-2 punch of the smoking ban along with Pontiac discountinuing production of the Grand Am really hit hard. Let's hope Uggs are around for a while!
Christina, Let me know when you are single again (or when your boyfriend is out of town).
Hi Clarissa - Thanks for reading my articles. However, I would like to respectfully disagree with you on your opinions of mustaches. While the mustache may go in and out of popularity, it is never "out of fashion". The mustache is far too important to be deemed a fashion statement.
Also, I banged your sister in the 80s.
Ok...am I the only one that has read this article that feels completely sexually offended? How is it Mr. Dawson's job to tell us what to wear?
I personally own 3 pairs of Uggs, the most recent was purchased this winter. It has nothing to do with fashion. They are the most comfortable boots money can buy.
This type of attack on women needs to stop, and stop immediately. It's not funny nor is it productive.
I hope you enjoy offending women!
Hi Janet - Sexually offended or sexually harrassed?
I don't recall taking any forcible sexual action so perhaps you mean "harrassed".
I'm fine with that.
Ha ha very funny! We at the UGG boot blog www.IGotUGGs.com take offense to this article, but we're gonna post it in the Hater Alert section. Lol
I enjoy placing Uggs on my penis but only after its enjoyed the taste of a woman's foot sweat. Is that odd?
This just in Uggs with tight pants...no bueno. Thats right your Latino fashion man from the West. Now more women are wearing them with tight pants to show off the ugly fo-fur on top.
The easiness scale does increase by 1-2.3 points when applied with tight pants.
No relation.
I hate uggs, but i think oversized sunglasses are great, not only for aesthetics, but for protecting your eyes and the skin around your eyes from the sunrays (this is when they are truly sunglasses and not the $4dollars sunglasses)
No wonder I like Uggs so much.
Chuck4aBuck says:
I have no problem with Uggs. It's a very easy way to tell if someone is easy. It used to be that you had a 80% chance to sleep with anyone who smokes. But now less people smoke -- so you have to look at the shoes. If a girl wears uggs, you know you have a shot.
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Nope not at all, I do this all the time!!
I enjoy placing Uggs on my penis but only after its enjoyed the taste of a woman's foot sweat. Is that odd?
I own 3 pairs of Uggs, and a pair of Ugg slippers. My husband also has a pair of Ugg slippers and loves them.
Directed @ the moustache: Staches creep girls out...shave it off man!
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