There is a glitch in large corporations that cannot be fixed. The glitch is an office filled with disengaged employees.
In the movie Office Space, The Bobs 'fixed the glitch'. In this case, the glitch was Milton, a worthless employee, who had been laid off but still came into the office everyday and received a paycheck for five years. Milton was not a disengaged employee, but in the world of large corporations, disengaged employees are like Milton -- they show up to work, but they shouldn't get paid.
Disengaged employees are typically employees who were once high performers. But, for one reason or another, they become uninterested in the job or organization they work for. As a result, their productivity decreases, their negativity increases, and their poor attitude spreads like a virus throughout the office. In a decent economy, these employees typically find a new employer where they regain interest and their productivity spikes (until they become disinterested six months later). In a bad economy, many of these employees stay put. According to Business Week, disengaged employees increased by 45% over the past year.
Some believe that organizations must fix the glitch by implementing new policies and management practices at the workplace that ensure employees remain interested in their job. Others believe companies should fix the glitch by identifying these employees quickly, and eliminate them even faster. Regardless, disengaged employees are a bitter bunch. They realize that their large employer is either too incompetent or too disorganized to fix the glitch. Their disengagement is revenge for the employer's incompetencies.
This article celebrates their wisdom and behavior.
Here are the seven habits of highly disengaged employees:
1. Persevere + evasiveness = Persevasiveness. Disengaged employees focus all of their energy on eluding any work task that may be assigned. They waste an incredible amount time ensuring their boss thinks they are busy. They'll schedule fake meetings in their Outlook calendar to clear out an entire day or week to ensure they avoid work and meetings.
2. Web surfing is their 1st job, bathroom breaks are their 2nd. It isn't that a disengaged employee loves the Internet. It's that the Internet loves them. The real question is: What did disengaged employees do before the Internet existed? Perhaps an older reader can chime in on his Smith Corona.
3. An exaggerated sense of how evil their employer or manager is. Disengaged employees reach a level of hatred that runs very deep. In some cases, disengaged employees become disenchanted with the entire corporate culture, while others lose interest in their job because of a bad manager. Even when a manager or company has the best of intentions, a disengaged employee will find a way to put a negative spin on it.
Scenario 1: Manager offers to take his department out to lunch, on the company.
Disengaged employee thinks: "He's just trying to prevent us from taking our usual two hour lunch, that [expletive] [expletive]"
Scenario 2: Company sends out a newsletter to inform employees about the upcoming summer picnic.
Disengaged employee thinks: "Why can't they just let us go home? This is [expletive] [expletive]."
Scenario 3: Manager comes over to ask when the document will be ready.
Disengaged employee thinks: "[Expletive]!" (Disengaged employees reach a point where anything a manager does is considered pestering.)
4. They aren't happy until they convince the world they are right. Rather than spreading the good word, disengaged employees are missionaries of malice. Making others feel unhappy about their job makes them feel better about the fact that they are also miserable. This column is living proof.
5. They'll find any way to sneak out of work early. Whether it be the back staircase or the lack of coat technique, disengaged members of the workforce are always scamming to leave early.
6. Increased interest in working from home. All disengaged people want to work from home, but not all people who work from home are disengaged. Telecommuting is a dream come true for disengaged employees. It opens up a whole new world of opportunities. At work, their only escape is the Internet. In fact, some argue that 75% of the websites would cease to exist if it weren't for disengaged employees and their entertainment limitations at the workplace. If given the opportunity to work from home, disengaged employees are welcomed to the world of television, movies, and naps on the couch.
7. A firm belief that everyone they work with is incompetent. This is usually true.
Please note: I am a disengaged employee. This article is self deprecating humor.
---
'Seven Habits' is a recurring article appearing in Dudley B. Dawson's Life in the Cubicle column at completely random moments.
View the Seven Habits of: Highly Effective Slackers | Highly Annoying Emailers | Disrespectful Work Poopers | Morbidly Obese Coworkers | Typical Bad Managers | Highly Effective Interns | Defective Conference Call Leaders | Incapable Technotards | Highly Anal Employees | Highly Arrogant Employees | Highly Disengaged Employees
** 1. Thanks to GCramer of Ohio for the term persevasiveness.
Follow Dudley via: Facebook | Twitter | MySpace | LinkedIn | Email | RSS
Read more Dudley: All stories | Most read stories | Seven Habits | Dear Dudley | Awkward Office Moments
or use the ShareThis option at the top of the article for more options.
Comments
You are Great!!!
Some of my thoughts and Experience:
- Their desk is always disorganized with documents nobody really need anymore. Each morning they start their day fixing the pile in order to show that they are very busy. You have no chance to talk with them until the finish this task, which can take all day long.
- If they do get an assignment, they will continue to work on it for days or week, even if originally it was one for few hours. They have all kind of excuses why they are still working on it. No doubt - you regret the moment you decided to give then this work, or you actually finish it with somebody else, so now you don’t care that they still work on it.
Avi
The real question is WHY DID THEY BECOME DISENGAGED in the the first place? Many people with drive and dedication WANT TO DO GOOD WORK, what causes a high performer to "disengage" and only mark time? And if there are several of these types, the question is "WHAT HAPPENED?"
Many people are getting promoted to positions that they are neither qualified for, or prepared to do, but they want to be "managers and bosses" so bad that they will suck-up to anyone to have the chance. Many other highly competent people DO NOT WANT managerial duties, but get pushed int them.
The first type, the "wanna-be da boss" are poison to organizations and companies. These will mismanage, abuse, and exhibit behavior once thought of as fascist and dictatorial.
If you have an office full of disengaged employees, the contamination is that incompetent manager, not the employees. Fire the source and you might have productive employees again
s in severn - Are you CAPPING me or society in general? If your rant is directed at me, you are preaching to the choir.
Agree wholeheartedly. You've described me perfectly. I came into my current organization with fire in my belly. They started me with the usual getting-up-to-speed menial tasks, the crap nobody else wants to do, nor has time, but gave me good exposure to the business and the systems. I executed these with passion and efficiency, and my reward has been continued assignment of said menial tasks, because nobody else wants to do them. I get to address the stupid little issues that 1% of our customers will see 1% of the time. How's that for job satisfaction? I've since become totally disengaged, and they still love me for some reason. Dorks.
(BTW, I am the galactic supreme *master* of the lack-of-coat technique.)
I think part of the problem is that we have a system that is based on hours not necessarily talent.
I one person can get the job done is 20 hrs vs the 40 hrs it takes another person, why should the more efficient person have to work another 20 hrs?
They either end up doing double work for the same pay, or the more likely scenario that they start to slack off.
If compensation was set up around task completion vs hours you might see a lot less of this.
Or you know you could just hire a contractor!
What about the companies that don't fire the obviously lazy people, when you've gone to management and told them time and time again? And their performance reviews year after year address their poor work ethic?
Basically I have the same job title, get paid the same but do twice the work, while Slackass gets to talk on the phone with his wife or buddies all day. Disengaged my ass - that's called Milking The Business!
Ron - to tell you the truth, if I was your boss I would have canned you. You told me once already. You tell me again and you're just p!ssing me off. Get out of my friggen office.
Good article Dudly. I've been a disengaged employee myself. I think it really stems from the fact that I'm quick and smart so they add stuff to my daily workload. I wind up doing work that someone that gets paid 3x as much as me should be doing, but It's cheaper to let me do it. Shoot, my last job, I was the only person authorized overtime, and did work the accountant and financial adviser should have done. No wonder I was hostile.
Who has the privilege of being disengaged in this economy? Do you think you'll go right out and find a job that pays as much as you make now? Not likely. For now, you have a reason to get up, get dressed and work for a paycheck instead of sending out resumes all day that never get acknowledged. Clean up your desk and do some work.
Lisa - You are such a Debby Downer. The truth is that most disengaged employees still get more work done in the 15 minutes they are focused than you do in your "busy 10 hours". Be glad there are people smarter than you so you have a place to work.
Dudley - that's an excellent attitude. Fire the ones who are doing the work and know how to do the work, instead of the ones that aren't doing any work and just there to collect a paycheck and chat on the phone. The person in question has had horrible reviews year after year but still has a job, and you'd fire the person who brings it to your attention?
If you own a business, I hope I get an invitation to your Chapter 11 party.
Ron - Who said disengaged employees don't know what they are doing?
These people are disengaged because they are disgusted with the corporate world. A world where people like you, Ron, spend their time making sure other people are reviewed properly instead of doing their own job.
I'd fire you first because at least there is hope for a disengaged employee.
Aha ... I totally did the internet surfing and bathroom breaks at work near the end, but I did work in a call centre. As for the bathroom breaks I would just sit in a stall and surf on my phone or send text messages for about 10 mins each day out of contempt for the place.
As far proving something right, we were based on a customer survey, the could rant about us, co-workers or the product and regardless it was on our record even if it was just a bad product experience and we did tech support.
And avoiding work ... yea I would do just about anything to avoid taking calls like shoveling snow if it needed to be done.
I once had a "Pride Day" for the five support departments I managed in a hospital. After some some comments by Administration, me, etc. I gave each employee a flower to wear and suggested a good response when questioned was "My boss gave it to me, he is proud of my work".
One employee came up to me and said, "I don't have to put up with this s**t, I quit!
We were much better off without him.
2CV
2CV - More importantly, he was better off without you and your disgusting hospital. You know, the Nazis had pieces of flair that they made the Jews wear.
I was uber-disengaged.... for the last, oh.... 6 or 7 years at my last job. I would do a maximum of 1.5 hours of work in a typical 8-hour day. The other 6.5 hours broke down to about 90% emailing and Internet surfing (seriously, I have read the entire Internet), 5% coming in late, taking long lunches and leaving early, and 5% general BS-ing around the office and in the break room. Yet, up to and including my final performance review, I was given top marks for "remains productive throughout shift," as well as in most of the other performance review categories. My boss could not find enough good things to say about me. She cried the day she laid me off. Talk about a disconnect!
This article made me crack up because its uncanny how accurately you've mirrored my own thoughts.
Very strange that I can't relate to this beyond the definition of a disengaged employee..! I do not exhibit any of the 7 habits listed. But good article nonetheless! :)
7 out of 7 ;)
Unfortunately, Disengagement cost companies hundreds of billions a year. Maybe I should create a computer program that monitors internet usage to determine if employee have a highly likelihood of being dis-engaged at work! Ha Ha
Dr. Brian Glassman
Ph.D in Organizational Leadership from Purdue University
this article is so funny and true. I cant believe people are in here claiming to be busy employees in "this economy". They are most likely at work commenting on this article.
LOL @ hypocrites
Great post! Finding a job you like and don't find unbearable is really difficult. Not to mention trying to balance it with everything else in life. Thanks for the post.
I recently came across this blog that I thought added some insight and levity into the issue and was enjoyable: http://burisonthecouch.wordpress.com/2010/06/25/family-member-dating/
I’d love to see more like it. Thanks!
Pete
this is fantastic. I'm quite disengaged at my job here. mostly because i dont feel like i'm making any impact as long as i work here. I work for an game comany and for some reason allowing basement dwellers to level-up just doesn't seem important. I've taken to generally looking busy while really just zoning out and getting lost in my head. if i can find a site that looks work related i'll check that out via my SSH proxy so IT can't websense my browsing habits. I want to quit. But i'd rather milk this as long as possible before getting fired.
Got something to say?
Examiner.com is looking for writers, photographers, and videographers to join the fastest growing group of local insiders. If you are interested in growing your online rep apply to be an Examiner today!