When I'm not surfing the web myself, I'm snooping to see what others are looking at. After 1-2 months of periodic observation I determined that people work 35% of their day and surf the web the remainder of the day. However, not all web surfers are alike. Here are eight types of web surfers I've observed:
Here are the 8 Profiles of an Office Web Surfer:
8. Bob Barker - The type of internet surfer who spends all day looking for the best price on one item. They aren't necessarily big shoppers but they are willing to waste an entire day at work to save $5 on a pair of shoes. These are also the same people that checkout Craigslist about 15 times a day. When they aren't shopping, they are telling someone about their shopping.
7. Mary Hart - They are interested in all things gossip and glamour. TMZ.com, and PerezHilton.com are just a couple of the websites in their toolbelt. They are more interested in the latest gossip than they are their own lives. They are usually overweight and are more concerned with their hair and nails than they are of the fact that they are overweight. Mary Hart wants to remain very private about her love for gossip at work -- but she is completely unaware that she is SUPER friggen loud on the phone when she talks to friends.
6. Becky! - The girl at work that updates her status on Twitter, Facebook, MySpace, Orkut, and every other Social Network service available on the internet. She's always looking for good "photo opps" to upload and show her friends. Most people hate her but she has 5,000 friends online.
5. Merv the Perv - This guy is a total mess at work. He's doing everything he can to view porn. He figured out that turning off the "safe search" feature on Google Images is an excellent way to view porn at work -- he figured it out 3 years ago. He's also the guy that asks you to come and "check it out" at least seven times a day. Without him, you'd no longer feel normal about your own surfing habits.
4. The Lonely Cheeseburger - This guy is fat, smells, and loves to provide his own wisdom in online forums. He's well known on many different forums but he really enjoys visiting forums based on his favorite television show: Heroes. This allows him to create theories on where he believes the show is heading. The Lonely Cheeseburger usually wears short sleeve button up shirts like Sipowicz, and is sweating through the pits like no one's business by 10am.
3. Tattoo - This guy lives on Fantasy Island. He plays in every fantasy league known to man. On top of the typical fantasy football, baseball, and basketball teams, he also participates in Fantasy Golf, Fantasy NASCAR, Fantasy FLW Bass Fishing, and Fantasy Soccer. In down times, he gambles on high school sports. During the summer, his output drops 90% due to midday baseball games.
2. Mr. Movies - Internet Movie Database (imdb.com) is their best friend. They move from one actor to the next, hop from one movie to another and by the end of the day, you realize everything they say is from a movie or TV show. They are completely incapable of holding a conversation without spouting lines they memorized. And for this, you hate them.
1. Wikidiot - Wikipedia has delivered a new fresh batch of nerds who not only read Encyclopedias, but participate in their content. I must admit, I frequent Wikipedia and love the site. But who are these nerds that moderate topics on Wikipedia? If you're like me, you've tried numerous times to write stuff about your friends on Wikipedia only to have it removed within seconds. Wikidiot's are usually fairly intelligent but their pride is what makes them very punchable.
By no means is this list complete. Feel free to add any types I've missed below in the comments section.
Related article: How to surf the web at work and avoid wandering eyes
Comments
The word is "Wikipedian", not the insulting "Wikidiot" or "Wikipediot". Some critical sites like to spread these words, I hear... do you really want to insult the people that make such a useful resource?
Mr. Dawson is my new favorite writer of all time. Keep up the great work!
Mark Hetherington? THE Mark Hetherington? Of Idaho State Bengals fame? No way!
No, I'm not not anyone special. I've never heard of this other MH...
Hey Mark Hetheringoton, I noticed wikipedia does not have a page for "Wikidiot". You should probably author one. Perhaps put your picture next to the title?
You forgot the day-trader!
What about the News and search Junkie, he knows everything going on in the nation, politic, conspiracies, gadget trends often before they seem to happen! He can find information on any subject or about anyone and is a bit scary because he knows everything you bought and everywhere you went this weekend, and 12 years ago too!
Two things: Wikipedia is a terrible site because idiots - wikiidiots go on and spout off. It never should be referenced and should go away.
What about the fantasy sports player? Especially the fantasy football player who spends all day, especially Monday, breaking down his team and telling you about his team and how he scored this point and if he would have played this person he would have won or lost and who he has going on Monday night and blah blah blah. This guy usually can't even score w
score with a chic who drives a Grand am and smokes
Missed the one who keeps looking at the stock exchange movements all the day and updates his portfolio it every second, even though he only buys and sells once a month.
Dicky the Sicky:
steakandcheese.com is the only reason he bought a computer back in the 90s. This guy is constantly cruising for the best helicopter accidents. He loves to lure unsuspecting friends into viewing a suicide video.
u forgot about the guy keeps checking personal email as if some one is going to send him something every second
Michael: re the "News and Search junkie" - hey, that's me! Fortunately these activities are part of my job description and marketable talent set.
I think I'm a Becky! Is there help out there for people like me!?
Followed a link from another site. Dawson is as if some mad scientist took DNA from the late Erma Bombeck and spliced it with DNA from "Dilbert".
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