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A bully is a person who intentionally seeks to harm, threaten or frighten other people through verbal, physical or emotional assault. Bullies often target people that are physically inferior to them, as in a playground setting; or, the victim can be socially inferior as is often the case in workplace bullying. In either case, this problematic behavior pattern is characterized by repeated aggressive attacks centered on the goal of gaining control over a victim.
Characterizing a bully. Largely shaped by environmental factors, bullies learn to use these troublesome behavior patterns to their advantage in childhood. Statistics conclude that many bullies come from abusive homes where aggressive behavior is modeled before them. Additional characteristics common in bullies include:
- Inflated attention requirements
- The need to be accepted by peers
- The lack of remorse when causing harm
- They may be described by others as “having a temper”
- They feel they must dominate every situation.
Characterizing the victim of a bully. Defined by their victims, direct bullies intentionally choose victims with a certain set of traits. They may be seen as frail and defenseless or physically inferior in some way. Indirect bullies will prey on social outcasts and people who allow themselves to be taken advantage of. Most people encounter a bully at some time in their lifetime but relatively few become victims. Why? The common characteristic of the victim is chronic lack of self confidence and poor social skills.
Stopping bullies. Whether dealing with a bully in office politics or having to intervene on behalf of a child, there are ways to curtail bullying.
For children:
- Adult intervention in incidents of children being bullied is often necessary since the threat of bodily harm is possible. When adults suspect bullying behavior at school, officials should be notified. In most schools, teachers can manipulate groups of students so that small children are not placed with larger children.
- Another alternative to help children is teaching them how not to be a victim. Teachers know the importance of having confidence and are trained to help children build their self esteem levels.
- Children should also be instructed to stay close to trusted adults when they are in vulnerable situation such as on the bus or on the playground.
At click2houston.com you can watch a video offering strategies on how children can avoid being victimized by bullies.
For adults:
- Indirect bullying is often acted out for the benefit of an audience. An adult victim of bullying can and should confront their perpetrator in a private setting and in an assertive manner. Sometimes this is all it takes to let them know that you refuse to be run over by them anymore.
- Consult policy. Some forms of aggression are illegal.
- In the case of workplace bullying, witnesses are important. Keep a record of criticisms, underhanded statements or hurtful innuendos as well as a record of who was around when the statements were made.
While both children and adults will experience some conflict in their lives, the most important asset a person can have in their arsenal of defense against a bully is a healthy sense of self worth and the ability to stand up for themselves with confidence.
For more tips on preventing workplace bullying, read this article in the Houston Business Journal.
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