It's the holidays! How to survive family political discussions

Thanksgiving and Christmas are times, for many, of family togetherness: Food, warmth, good conversation – conversation that often turns to politics. 

In our family, mom and dad are staunch conservatives (there’s Palin-love, Limbaugh-love, Obama-bashing galore), my sister and I, her partner, and our kids, are libs, and my husband is a centrist. This year, at Thanksgiving, talk turned to who the Republicans might nominate for president in 2012, and Palin’s name came up. I was surprised that my mother – who is intelligent, well-educated and articulate – dismissed her candidacy, saying she isn’t ready. Well, that’s something. But then she suggested Eric Cantor, and my liberal sister and I guffawed into our napkins and kicked each other under the table like we were still in grade school. 

What do you do when talk turns to politics, and you absolutely know that a battle is going to be waged among family members who are normally loving and respectful?  What I've learned is that arguing with a conservative about politics is a trip into "don't confuse me with facts, my mind's made up." 

So, given that, I've learned some strategies to avoid political landmines during the holidays.

Leave something important in the car. When the talk turns to politics, and you feel your hair starting to catch on fire, suddenly remember that you left the turkey in the car. By the time you come back, with any luck, the topic will have turned to something more benign, like the murder rate in Chicago.

Avoid direct contact with the television. At my parents’ house, Fox News is on all day, every day, on every television in the house.  Whatever you do, don’t look directly at the t.v., unless it’s a commercial. It’s usually safe to comment on commercials, unless it’s one of those anti-healthcare-reform commercials that Fox runs. Feel free to talk liberally about the gold coin infomercials. 

Studiously avoid listening to the radio. My dad likes to keep Fox on and simultaneously listen to Rush Limbaugh on the radio. It’s perfectly acceptable to throw out inanities like, “Oh, that Rush.” Your Rush-loving family will no doubt think you’re complimenting him, and there’s no need to continue your thought out loud, which would likely be, “Oh, that Rush is such a fat-faced windbag.” 

If George Bush’s name comes up, don’t mention war. When my parents – who have a picture of George and Laura Bush in their kitchen – talk about George Bush in glowing terms, I usually feel a stroke coming on. If it’s absolutely impossible to avoid the topic, talk about the shoe-throwing incident with the journalist. You don’t have to sacrifice any integrity, just say, “Boy, Bush sure has good reflexes for his age.” The Bush-lovers are satisfied with a compliment, however inane, and you can feel proud that you didn’t throw darts at his picture.

If Reagan’s name comes up, don’t mention the deficit. When conservative family members speak glowingly of Reagan’s success with the economy, whatever you do, don’t mention how the deficit tripled under his administration. Instead, focus on his acting career. Memorize the name of at least one movie he was in, and bring that up. From that, conversation can spring to current movies and the day is saved.

Sarah Palinitis. Many conservatives – the ones who get their information from Fox and Rush – still think Sarah Palin is a strong, confident, intelligent, successful woman who is disliked by liberals and bashed by the media because she’s good-looking. Whatever you do, don’t question whether she’s really Trig’s mother. The better course of action is to say, “She seems to have found her niche as an author.” Of course, mention of the many lies contained between the covers of her book is a no-no, so avoid the book’s contents at all costs.

Obama-bashing. My dad likes to call President Obama some unprintable name or another every time his face appears on television. I’ve learned that no topic is benign when it comes to President Obama – not his basketball skill, not his kids, not what condiments he puts on his hamburger, and especially not his policies on Afghanistan -- so the best advice I can give is to change the subject, quick.  If my son, who’s in the Army, is there, I’m often saved because he chides his grandpa for trashing his Commander in Chief – and we all know how those conservatives respect our gun-toting military. If I’m on my own, I usually end up stomping out in a rage . . . well, that’s actually not the best advice. The best advice I can offer to counter the Obama-bashers is to say generically, “Being President is a tough job, taking all the shots from the other side.” If that doesn’t work, you can always scream, “President Obama is a great president cleaning up the mess that blithering idiot, Bush, left,” and stomp out in a rage.

Healthcare reform. Don’t talk about it. Talk about anything else, somebody’s surgery or grocery store sales. Leave a sale ad of some sort handy at all times when in the company of conservatives – you can always pick it up and exclaim about the sale on grapes.

Global warming. Don’t talk about it. Refer to No. 8 above and grab the sale ad.

Pelosi, Reid, Frank and Rahm Emanuel. Whether you smoke or not, run out for a pack of cigarettes. Talking to conservatives about those four is enough to make the staunchest non-smoker start.

It is possible to get through a holiday without somebody getting injured. Remember the basics: Forget something in the car, keep a sale flyer handy, and never – I mean never -- talk about Sarah Palin’s IQ being in the single digits.