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ZOO NEWS
There's great news from the San Diego Zoo. Their Giant Panda female is pregnant AGAIN! It’s the Panda’s sixth pregnancy. The Chinese government is so pleased; they've asked the San Diego Zoo how they do it. And when a country with one and a half billion people asks YOU how you do it, you must really do it good!
GIANT PANDA
A Giant Panda at the San Diego Zoo is pregnant, and with twins. When they asked the mother if there was anything they could do for her, the Panda said, "Yes, until I lose some of this baby weight, can you drop the 'Giant' part?"
MORE PANDA NEWS
China has announced the birth of their first Giant Panda from frozen sperm. They gave a male panda a porn mag and a pitcher of Margaritas, and everything went just like you'd think. He gave himself a pand-job.
ADD, PANDA
I think the zoologists are fighting an uphill battle. There’s a reason male pandas spend most of their lives with a hard stick of bamboo in their mouths. Figure it out, people.
ADD, PANDA
Actually, after watching panda porn, one male panda did mate with a female. But it was just sort of a “Wham-You, Bam-Boo, Thank-You, I’m-Through,” deal.
ADD, PANDA
In Germany, animal rights activists wanted to kill a cute little polar bear cub rather than have him raised by humans, but they haven’t said a thing about showing a panda pornography to get him to mate. Where’s the consistency? “Go ahead; give him porn. Buy him cigarettes. Knock yourself out, panda.
ADD, PANDA
And where does this end? What if the panda moves on to harder stuff? “Look, this panda crap doesn’t do it for me anymore. Got any hot, same-sex, zebra-on-giraffe action?”
STILL, MORE PANDA
I know this is overkill on Panda jokes, but the actual name of the female Panda in China who was impregnated by frozen sperm is "You-You." This is the perfect name for a Panda knocked-up by frozen sperm. Now, she looks at every male Panda and says, "You? You??"
WEST HOLLYWOOD
A restaurant in West Hollywood is now serving a "Lindsay Lohan Milkshake." You take a couple of scoops of Rocky Road, put nipples on them, toss them in a mixing glass with skim milk, shake them up in a rollover crash, and sprinkle with lots of nuts.
FEDERLINE
Word is that Kevin Federline just moved to Las Vegas to begin filming a reality show with Prince and possibly his two sons with Britney Spears, Jayden James and Sean Preston. Man, I told you raising the minimum wage last week was going to turn K-Fed's life around.
HEIDI
Heidi Klum says her pregnancy is playing havoc with her memory and she keeps forgetting where she has put things, especially where she leaves her food. Heidi said, "Sure, morning sickness is a problem, but try losing your lunch when you've already lost your lunch."
ADD, HEIDI
Millionaire celebrities complaining that they can't remember where they left their food...Yup, this is why they hate us.
KELLY CLARKSON
Kelly Clarkson's latest album, "Already Gone," has been released. In a related story, Kelly's "Almost Home" cookies didn't make it home.
Comments
I don't understand your Kelly Clarkson comment.
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