Marriage is one of the most basic and universal traditions in the world. A common belief in our society is that, when two people meet and fall in love, they will marry and live ‘happily ever after.' On any given weekend, couples vow before family and friends to love their spouse for better or worse. But what happens when worse becomes a reality?
Unfortunately, new marriages are just as likely as long time marriages to experience problems and a drop in satisfaction. The transition to married life can bring unexpected and unplanned challenges, which can lead to increased conflict and marital stress. It is thus important for new couples to integrate protective factors into their marriage. One way of doing this is by increasing positive interactions. Research has shown that couples who build positive experiences into their marriage are better able to cope when disagreements arise. Below are tips for increasing the positive interactions in your marriage. 
1. Spend time together. This may seem obvious, but learning to balance work, friends, family, and personal time as a newlywed is an adjustment. Talk with your partner about setting time aside for each other. Turn the TV off while eating dinner; walk your dog together and talk about your day or plan your weekend; grocery shop together and pick out your favorite foods to share; or schedule a date night once a month and take turns picking the location.
2. Make Love. This goes along with spending time together, but a healthy sex life is very important in a marriage. Too often couples allow stress and lack of sleep to interfere in their love making and this can be a big mistake. Regular physical contact with your spouse will deepen your level of intimacy. Try to avoid late night excuses by getting excited about the possibility of sex during the day. Send a suggestive text while at work; reminisce about the last time you made love; or get home early and create an ambiance (even lighting just one candle can set the mood). You will find that if you make time for sex, you will make time for each other in other areas of your life.
3. Listen. This is crucial in a marriage, but often difficult to do. Most people look for opportunities to share their own feelings, experiences, and frustrations, but taking time to listen to what your spouse has to say will increase your positive interactions. When you stop talking and start listening you are communicating interest and respect for your spouse, which will deepen your connection. Try active listening tonight at home. Encourage your spouse to share and ask interested, relevant questions. Resist the urge to talk about your own experiences or feelings. What you hear when you listen may surprise you.
4. Laugh. Laughter is important in life and in marriage. It can provide a buffer to the negative impact stress can have on a newly married couple. To increase the laughter in your home rent a funny movie with your spouse; check out a show at the Hollywood Improv; or share funny stories from your childhood. The more you laugh, the less you will allow daily stress to get in the way of building a happy, healthy marriage.
Remember, you can have a healthy, satisfying marriage. It just takes a little work.
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