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Social networking has taken dating to a whole new level. Information can be posted instantly on websites like Facebook and Twitter for an entire network of friends and followers to see. And let’s face it, checking out someone’s Facebook profile or Twitter page is a necessary progression in a new relationship. Much like online dating profiles, these pages can give us snapshots of our love interests...what they like, who their friends are, what links they find amusing. And of course, there is the required search for the relationship status. Here’s where things get a little messy.
For example, let’s say you’ve been dating a great girl for about a month. You see each other 2-3 times per week, and your attraction is obvious. You login to your Facebook account and post a quick “hi” on her wall. Then you notice that she has changed her status from “single” to “in a relationship”. You may feel confused, angry, or resentful of the fact that she decided what your relationship was before you had a chance to discuss it in person.
Before getting upset over a proclamation that was never discussed, take a step back. Instead of retaliating by rejecting her as a Facebook friend, writing some negative response on her wall, or simply ignoring the post, pick up the phone and have a real conversation. This is a good opportunity to open the lines of communication so that in the future, you will discuss where the relationship is going before announcing it to friends. For those of you who are early status update changers, please think before you post. You could be ruining a potentially great relationship by jumping the gun.
There was an article in the L.A. Times this past weekend about a similar faux pas. A woman was distraught because the man she’d been dating for a few weeks didn’t take his profile down from the online dating website where they’d met. She’d taken hers down almost right away, and felt that he should remove his.
Again my advice is to step back and think about the bigger picture. Jumping to conclusions about someone you’ve only recently started dating is unfair and counter-productive. He has a right to keep his profile up until both of you have a conversation about your relationship and where it’s going.
The bottom line: have a real conversation with your love interest. Don’t rely on social networking or dating websites to brief you on your relationship status. You owe it to yourselves to discuss it with each other.
For more info: Kelly Seal is a writer, online dating expert, and former speed dating host. You can visit her blog, Notes from the Dating Trenches at www.kellyseal.com, and follow her tweets at www.twitter.com/kellyseal.
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