Schools are starting. Vacations are over. That means that the so-called High Holidays are coming. This is one of those times of year when the families get back together, particularly in the Jewish community. It is a reunion of sorts—around the dinner table, and possibly in the synagogue, as well. That also means adult children may be bringing home their new partners for the first time to “meet the parents.” It should be quite simple but it usually isn’t, especially when those newcomers hail from different religious or ethnic traditions than the family’s own. Take a look around. A growing number of marriages in the United States—almost 25% according to some studies—are between partners of different religious backgrounds.
For these interfaith couples, this time of year creates an opportunity when families can do their utmost to show how welcoming the Jewish community—and the Jewish family—can be for all in our midst. So what can parents say when their adult child brings home someone who comes from a different place, from a different religion? What is the best way for parents to address their child’s decision?
How families openly react in this situation may determine the future relationship with their children and grandchildren. Some parents might feel disappointed, like they failed to instill a strong Jewish identity. Others might even wish their child would marry someone else. In the end, these attitudes won’t make the partner—the potential child-in-law—feel like they are part of the family. But it will make them feel like they are an outsider.
When this moment arises, parents only have a second to determine their response. If they want a life of harmony, then these parents will have to welcome their guests enthusiastically, unabashedly expressing love and excitement, warmth and acceptance. Perhaps if the couple, an adult child and future spouse, experiences a warm and friendly Jewish environment, they in turn will want to raise their own children in a similarly respectful and supportive family.
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