What they didn't teach you in school: Jewish intimacy and pre-wed classes (part 2)

See Rabbi Maroof's presentation on Jewish Marriage and hiclochos taharas Hamishpacha at rjmaroof.googlepages.com/shoshanatyaaqov.pdf

Online subscritption:Kallah Companion at www.yoetzet.org/kallahcompanion

While there are many English guides to taharas hamishpacha, the Kallah Companion, a web based course, is much more than another summary of the relevant laws.  Compiled by Deena Zimmerman, MD, author of A Lifetime Companion to the Laws of Jewish Family Life and director of Nishmat’s Women’s Online Information Center, and Ilana Sober, the material extends to cover points of women’s reproductive health, as well as other issues of marriage, such as marital harmony and intimacy.

When you first look at the Contents page, you have to keep scrolling further and further down to read all the topics covered.  But don’t panic; it’s not as overwhelming as it seems at first glance.  Each lesson is really very short.  You should be able to get through a great many of them in the course of an hour.  You are invited to submit any question you may have by typing it into the form that appearance at the end of each lesson and get an emailed response within 3 days (excluding Shabbat and Yom Tov).  The authors of Kallah Companion invite active involvement: “You can ask for clarifications or explanations of the material you've learned. You can ask personal halachic questions about how to apply these laws in your individual situation. You can discuss your concerns about keeping or understanding these laws.”  You can also ascertain how well you’ve absorbed the lessons by answering the built in review questions and checking your answers.

Kallah Companion puts forward a thorough presentation of both the concepts behind the halachos and the guidelines for practical matters.  For example, it not only offers thorough directives on “How to Prepare for Immersion,” but includes a list of FAQs.  In addition, there is a checklists you can print out for yourself to take along to the mikvah to double check that you’ve gone over all the bases. * The lessons also point out when a  rabbi should be consulted for particular questions with suggestions to ease the mind of those who fear they would be embarrassed.  Indeed, a rabbinic authority could sometimes provide a more propitious approach to one’s individual situation than can be set by guidelines geared toward a universal audience. In the area of seeing spots, in particular, Kallah Companion tends a somewhat stringent view, so it would behoove a kallah to get her posek’s advice on this matter.  

In explaining the intent behind the course, the authors explain how it can supplement traditional kallah classes: “The course gives you a framework to review what you've learned and to explore questions that you might not encounter otherwise.”  The course also aims to serve those whose situation or background would bar them from a conventional kallah class.  While this is also an invaluable resource for them, there are some inherent limitations to the individualization possible in the web-based presentation. As the authors write in their introduction to the section on intimacy, “Personal, individual guidance from your kallah teacher or a trusted mentor can be invaluable as you prepare for this crucial component of marriage.” 

The online course is accessible to both the registering kallah and her husband-to-be for the duration of a year, allowing time for review and to return to topics as they arise in the course of married life.  What is nice about this is that both would be getting the same classes even if the distance between them would normally preclude lessons from the same person.  Being on the same page is very important in this particular area.  They enjoin the kallah:  “Even if you've been doing this course on your own until now, you and your chatan should read the section on Shalom Bayit together. The words below are addressed to the two of you. By setting a framework for discussing these types of issues, you are already laying the cornerstone for success.”

The section offers some brief, sensible pointers to maintaining harmony in the home and sensitivity toward one’s spouse, for example, being careful about how you phrase things.  As they point out, a marriage does not merely happen on its own. “The traditional blessing for a new couple is that they should merit "livnot bayit ne'eman b'Yisrael," to build a house or home. The analogy of marriage to the building of a house is very apt. A house can remain standing for many years if it is built on a strong foundation and if work is continuously invested in maintaining it. This is also true for marriage.” Learning the key lessons in Kallah Companion is a part of laying the cornerstone of the house to be built through marriage.  

Also see www.examiner.com/x-18522-NY-Jewish-Bridal-Examiner~y2009m9d9-What-they-didnt-teach-you-in-school--Jewish-intimacy-and-prewed-classes-part-1 , part-3 part-4, andpart-5