Striking a balance is key for much in life, including making up a wedding guest list. Only those who don’t need to ask the price before committing to a purchase can afford to invite every person they are at all connected with. For those for whom a rather low ceiling rather than the sky is the limit, choices have to be made about where to draw the lines to keep the guest list under control. If you find the number of must invites expands to the breaking point of your budget, you have to come up with a strategy that will work for you. First come up with a realistic estimate of the number of guest based no your location. Then you can consider categorical limits to pare your guest list or opt for a limited invitation that allow for guests to participate in the celebration adding on to your caterer’s count for the dinner.
Location
When estimating the number of guests that will actually come to the wedding, think about your location. Weddings in New York tend to be larger affairs than weddings out of town simply because more people are concentrated around the metro area. More guests would decline the invitation to an out-of town wedding that requires a very long car ride or even a plan trip due to the time and expense involved. While having many people present usually makes a simcha more lively, it also increases its cost. Consequently, some people actually choose to make their weddings far from their hometowns to reduce expenses. Some couples marry in Israel, even when their families live thousands of miles away, in part to save on expenses. Not only are the cost lower there in general, but also a smaller number of guests coming from abroad means a smaller catering bill. But if your wedding is set for a location that is rather convenient for most of your invited guests, you have to anticipate that most will RSVP that they will come. In that case, you have to consider your alternatives.
Consistent Categories
Do you invite every member of your synagogue? Just the neighbors or everyone you know in the neighborhood? What about co-workers, classmates, and teachers? Most people include all their first cousins, but what of second ones and those who are once or twice removed? What about children of friends and relatives? It is possible to invite only a specified category from among your friends and family to the full dinner and the rest to a designated part of the wedding. First you have to be clear on your categories of who will be invited to the full dinner and who for only part of the wedding. That could mean classmates and co-workers are not invited to dinner while neighbors are, for example. For those with a very extended family tree, a cut-off could be determined by relationship, i.e. no one more distantly related than first cousins, perhaps. If that number includes a great many children, it is possible to include only the adults. Whatever you choose, you have to be consistent. if exceptions disprove your rule, those who were barred by it may feel slighted.
More options in part 2
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