Many thanks (part 2 of 2)

 Less than ideal is better than not at all

If you did breach etiquette in waiting too long to get the “Thank you”  notes written and mailed, you may apply the adage, better late than never. Even if you only can get them out 6 months or even 12 months after your wedding date, you should still send them.  You never know how affronted people may get about your failure to do so.  Nevertheless, you may feel embarrassed greeting them at the Kiddush or bris for your baby if you had not yet sent the “Thank you” for the wedding gift, so you should try to make every effort to mail it before you owe another one for a baby gift.

  Etiquette of Extending Time

You can show the courtesy of acknowledging the receipt of a gift by sending pre-printed gift acknowledgement cards.   That way Great-Aunt Sophie doesn’t have to worry that the package she mailed you never arrived.  The drawback to this solution, though, is that you will then have to mail cards twice.  A gift acknowledgement card’s preprinted text could read something like:

 Mr. and Mrs. Shalom Israel

Thankfully acknowledge the receipt of your wedding gift.

You could accomplish the same thing by emailing the sender of the gift, but your Great-Aunt may be miffed at that, and if she does not have email, that option is completely out.   In any case, you must understand that the preprinted cards only buy you extra time (rather like filing for an extension for your tax return).  They do not fulfill the obligation of the personalized “Thank you” note (just like the extension does not exempt you from the filing at a later date).

Make it easier on yourself to express your thanks

At the wedding: Have a friend or relative act as receiver for gifts brought to you at the wedding so that gifts won’t get lost in the coat room. The designated person should be equipped with a roll of tape to fasten loose cards onto the appropriate gift boxes.  That way you will not have to wonder later who gave you the Lenox platter. 

Keep a gift notebook or computer file to track who gave what.  If you were really organized with the guest list and already have a file for it, you can simply fill in the gift next to the names of the giver.  Then you will have all the information you need ready to write and address your “Thank you” notes.  With everything set, you should get started as soon as possible.

Teamwork: you and your husband can work together on the “Thank you” notes.  After all the gifts are for both of you, so there is no reason why he should not contribute to the task – unless his handwriting is completely illegible.  If, on the other hand, your handwriting is the illegible one, you can either ask your husband or another willing family member to write the notes.  It is considered a breach of etiquette not to handwrite the notes.  However, if people would not appreciate your scrawl – don’t express your appreciation in it.