Aspects of the Jewish wedding: the grace and round 2 of the seven blessings

Two cups of wine are combined in this part of the wedding.

The wedding meal culminates in the Birchas hamazon [grace after meals]. Birchas hamazon is said after each meal that features bread, but there are some special features added on at a wedding. Leading the Birchas hamazon is one of the honors assigned at a wedding. The one who leads holds a cup of wine and invites those present to join in the grace with the traditional “Rabbosai nevarech.”The assembled respond, “Yehi shem Hashem mevorach mea’ata vead olam” [G-d’s name should be blessed from now to eternity (based on the text from Psalms 113:2).

As there should be a minyan [quorum of 10] present at the wedding, the leader proceeds with a poem that is only recited at the Birchas hamazon of weddings during the seven days of celebration that follow at the meals when the sheva brachos are recited. It is called Davay Haser for the first words that mean remove distress. If for some reason there is no minyan at the time Birchas hamazon, this would be omitted from the recitation. It goes as follows: “Davay haser vegam charon veaz ilem veshir yaron. Nechenu bema’agley tzedek, shea birchath beney yeshurun” [Remove distress and also wrath. Then the mute will burst out in song. Lead us in straight paths. Accept the blessing of the children of Yehurun.] Just like the broken glass, this insertion contextualizes the wedding celebration in the larger history of the Jewish people.

The leader then continues with the invocation modified to include reference to the occasion, “Birshus maranan verabanan verabothai, nevarech Elokeinu shehasimcha bemeono sheachalnu mishelo” [With the permission of the masters, rabbis, and others present, let us bless our G-d, in whose domain is joy, whose food we have eaten]. The phrase “shehasimcha bemeono” is added specifically for the wedding. As we rejoice in the wedding, there is corresponding spiritual joy in G-d’s heavenly domain. The word maon [domain] also refers to the Temple, which was a center of joy for the Jewish people. As with the broken glass, we reference our hope for its restoration. See -Why-we-break-a-glass-at-Jewish-weddings

The people present respond, “Baruch Elokeynu sheahsimcha bemeono sheachalnu mishelo uvetuvo chayinu” [Blessed is our G-d, in whose domain is joy, whose food we have eaten, and through whose goodness we live]. The leader respeats the same statement and then everyone responds, “Baruch Hu uvaruch shemo” [Blessed is He and blessed is His name] and proceed with the standard text for Birchas hamazon.

After the grace is said, the leader set aside the cup he took in hand at the invocation and takes a second cup for the sheva brachos [seven blessings]. These are the same blessings recited under the chuppah. See the-Seven-Blessings But the blessing on the wine is left for last. Thus the seven blessings said at this point begin with shehakol bara lichvodo [who created all things for His glory]. Reciting these blessings is also considered an honor, and like the ones said under the chuppah, are often divided among six different people. The seventh blessing would go to the leader of the grace.

Before the seventh blessing is said, which in this case, is the one on the wine, the cup that was taken for them is set down. The leader lifts the first cup, recites the blessing over wine, takes a sip from it, and then proceeds to mix the contents of the two cups together. The combination may be accomplished by pouring some of the wine from the first cup -- the one held for the grace --into the second one -- the one held for the sheva brachos. the one doing the pouring may find it is easier to bring in an empty cup that is larger than the two used and pouring into it the contents of the two cups, beginning with the cup used for grace, then pour some of the mixed wine back into the sheva brachos cup to yield two cups that each hold the wine from both. The two cups then are passed to the bride and groom, who each drink. Wine is associated with gladness, and offering it to the couple is part of the mitzvah of gladdening the bride and groom on their wedding day. Combining the contents of two cups into one is also a nice metaphor for marriage, which combines two in one unit.