Though a couple is not technically married by the rabbi in Jewish law, there is a Mesader Kiddushin, someone who is an expert on the laws pertaining to weddings, present to direct the proceedings of the ceremony. It begins with the Mesader Kiddushin reciting the blessing for the Erusin [betrothal] over a cup of wine. The Erusin orginally was be done at the time of engagement. The couple was united by the ceremony, though they only moved onto full marriage after the completion of the wedding, which was usually a year later.
However, already in the time of Rashi -- Rabbi Shlomo Yitzcahki, (1040-1105) the Erusin was set to take place the day of the wedding. In Made in Heaven: A Jewish Wedding Guide (New York: Moznaim, 1983) Rabbi Aryeh Kaplan explains one of the reasons was very practical. Having two separate ceremonies called for two separate feasts. Combining them cut down on expense because only one feast had to be served. This became necessary as people had less money while expenses for the celebration were escalating. Another motivating factor was not to have the couple feel that they were set to enter into a complete married state from the erusin alone; they were only permitted to live together after the completion ofNesuin (p. 166).
The Mesader Kidushin recites the blessing on erusin while holding a cup of wine. The cup of wine is then passed to the groom and bride, who each take a sip. This is followed by the kiddushin -- the marriage bond, which is demonstrated by the groom giving something to his bride. It is a long-established custom to use a ring for the kiddushin.
Before presenting it to his bride, the groom shows the ring to witnesses who ascertain that it has the minimum worth prescribed. The Mesader Kiddushin verifies that the groom actually owns the ring and asks the witnesses if it is worth at least a pruta. In order to be sure that the bride would not mistake the value of the ring, it is not set with stones. Some people even eschew any design or words etched into the ring, lest the bride mistake its value. While gold is favored by many, there is no halachic stipulation about it. If they would like to use a band of silver, titanium or some other metal, that's fine because it would still meet the requirement of monetary worth. However, it cannot be gold or silver-plated because it would take on the appearance of more precious metal than it is, in fact, made of.
The groom recites, "harei at mekudeshes li betabaas zu keda'at Moshe veYisrael:" [You are married to me with this ring in accordance with the law of Moses and Israel.] He then places the ring on the bride's finger. Traditionally, the ring is placed on the right index finger. The ring will usually not fit past the knuckle on the index finger because wedding bands are typically sized for the left ring finger on which they are worn after the ceremony. If the bride is wearing gloves, she would either have to remove the glove or cut off the part that covers the finger on which she is to receive the ring. Presenting a ring to the groom is not part of the Jewish wedding ceremony, so traditional rabbinic authorities do not allow an exchange of rings at the point of kiddushin.
There are more parts to ceremony and some interesting points about the wedding ring that I hope to cover in future posts.
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