Five Creative Thinking Tools That Energize Relationships

1. Act as if. Relationships are fantastic vehicles for taking stock of what we have going for us and what we need to change. The decision to improve our attitudes or behavior, however, is only the beginning of what is often a difficult struggle, because mental habits naturally resist change.  But new ways of acting follow new ways of thinking, and we can energize the psychological “muscle” that makes us more adaptive, flexible and open to change by “acting as if” we are in a new and different role. Talkative and outgoing in a group situation? Practice the role of quiet listener or appreciative audience. If the kids' fighting triggers a desire to referee or add to the tension with more yelling, approach it from an unusual angle, e.g., it through the lense of a sportscaster observing and reporting on the action of two opposing teams.  Simply choosing to change things up taps into the creative resources we need to put change into action.
2. Feel the love. Creativity is positively associated with joy and love and negatively associated with anger, fear, and anxiety. A 2006 study published by Proceedings of the National Academy of Science showed that positive emotions literally expand our field of attention so that we perceive a greater range of choices and are less inhibited about trying them out, part of a growing body of knowledge about the ways that positive emotions promote a creative perspective on the problems of life.
    
3. Go Within.The practice that many artists engage with to focus inwardly and find their authentic voice to channel into their work is one that can benefit all of us and foster richness of communication in relationships. Maintaining radio silence with the world around us for a period of time makes us more attuned to our inner life and more aware of emotions. Greater self-knowledge  and access to feelings makes us more available and expressive to partners, friends and family. Our field of awareness - generally crowded with the pressures and stresses of getting things done - needs a chance to disconnect from incoming messages and pressures so that the less structured, seemingly random inspirations and intuitions can bubble up. A busy schedule may take precedence over carving out a piece of quiet, but even a drive to pick up the kids at soccer can be an opportunity if we turn off the radio, breathe slowly at the red lights, and listen. No texts, no twitters, no exceptions.
    
4. Grow With The Flow. A recent study conducted at Stony Brook University’s Interpersonal Relationships Laboratory shows that long-term happiness in marriage is directly linked to the personal expansion fostered by the relationship. The research shows that the more self-expansion people experience from their partner, the more committed and satisfied they are in the relationship, an effect that happens “through their partners in big and small ways,” according to the New York Times’ interview with the investigators “It happens when they introduce new friends, or casually talk about a new restaurant or a fascinating story in the news.” If a partner challenges us to new experiences or to be a better person in some way and we rise to that challenge, the relationship grows as much as we do. Win-win.

    5.  Do the opposite. When Seinfeld's iconic loser George Costanza attributes his misery to having followed his instincts and decides to do the opposite of his own best judgment, he meets previously unattainable women and lands a job with the New York Yankees. When we choose to approach a situation from a completely different direction than what is ingrained and habitual we experience a degree of uncertainty that triggers the right-brain to search for a new and previously untried response. While we may not realize sitcom-perfect reversals of fortune through use of this technique, we will be gaining a psychological strength that increases our ability to size up unfamiliar situations quickly and respond effectively