When should you hire a private investigator to check out a cheating mate?

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As an infidelity expert, and the author of a popular infidelity book packed with signs of infidelity suspicious spouses and significant others can find on their own, I rarely recommend using a private investigator to find out if you have a cheating mate.

Especially since my book, Is He Cheating on You? – 829 Telltale Signs documents practically every known sign of infidelity, including the subtle signs people usually overlook. Despite the title, most of the signs in the book apply to both cheating women and cheating men.

All the cheating signs documented in Is He Cheating on You? can easily be found using nothing more than your own eyes and ears, your personal knowledge of your mate, and the information in the book.

In fact, as the cheater’s spouse or significant other, you’re in an ideal position to find signs of infidelity that a private investigator would be unable to find without your help. And there are no special skills or fancy surveillance equipment required.

Obviously, knowing what to look for is the key.

What You Need in Addition to a Knowledge of Telltale Signs

But, to make an accurate assessment of whether or not your spouse or significant other is cheating on you, you’ll need more than a knowledge of the signs of infidelity. You also need to be able to objectively assess the infidelity signs you do -- or do not -- find. Nothing can ruin a relationship like the false accusation of an innocent mate.

Who Should Hire an Investigator Instead of Looking for Signs on Their Own

There are certain people who should hire a private investigator, despite the fact that with a good infidelity reference book, they can easily find most of the signs of infidelity on their own.

Some suspicious spouses and significant others should never to attempt to find proof of infidelity or look for telltale signs. Certain character traits or personal idiosyncrasies will cause some people to view even the most innocent behavior as a sign of infidelity. And they’ll end up falsely accusing a perfectly innocent mate.

You could be one of these people if one or more of the statements below apply to you.

• You are suspicious by nature.

• You have a natural distrust of the opposite sex.

• You have issues with jealousy.

• You are emotionally insecure.

• You suffer from low-self esteem.

• You are paranoid.

• You have an overly active imagination.

• You always think the worst.

• You havea tendency to overreact in adverse situations.

If any of the above statements apply to you, it may be best for you to engage the services of a licensed private eye. It will be impossible for you to remain objective or open-minded about whatever you may or may not find. Rather than run the risk of falsely accusing an innocent mate, or jeopardizing the safety of yourself or someone else, let an experienced professional do the work.

Is it Intuition or Insecurity?

Intuition can be a very powerful indicator of infidelity. In one infidelity study, 85% of the women who had a "gut feeling" their husbands were cheating, turned out to be right. There are several infidelity studies that bear that out.

But be sure you know the difference between intuition and insecurity. Your suspicions could be totally without merit. Falsely accusing your spouse or significant other of infidelity can be as damaging to your marriage or relationship as infidelity itself. So you need to be sure you're on solid ground.

If there’s a chance of legal action , you also need to build a solid case.

Circumstances Which Warrant the Use of a Private Eye

You should always hire a licensed private investigator if there’s a chance that your spouse’s infidelity will cause you to end up in court. If there’s a possibility of divorce, separation, child custody, alimony, an alienation of affection lawsuit, or any related legal action, you will require court-admissible proof.

A licensed professional can conduct an impartial investigation, and provide you with the documentation you will need.

The Cost of Hiring a Private Eye

Private investigators are not cheap. Expect to spend several hundred to several thousand dollars depending on the services you require. Hourly fees can begin at $75 and can go as high as $200 or more. Most investigators will require a retainer up front equivalent to a minimum of several hours, or several days work. So you’ll need at least $1000 or more to get your infidelity investigation off the ground. Some cases take longer than others to solve.

Look for a licensed investigator who specializes in infidelity, spousal, matrimonial, or domestic investigations, as they are sometimes called.

An Affordable Alternative to a Private Investigator

If you're reluctant, or can't afford to spend that kind of money, then your best bet is to get a copy of Is He Cheating on You? – 829 Telltale Signs because it lists practically every known sign of infidelity. Unless you, or your circumstances fall into categories mentioned above, why pay someone to find out something you can easily discover for yourself?

Many people want to find out the truth about their partner, simply for their own peace of mind.

The signs of infidelity documented in Is He Cheating on You? are conveniently grouped into 21 major categories so you can easily find the signs that apply to your circumstances or your mate. As mentioned before, despite the title, most of the signs in the book apply to cheating women, as well as cheating men. For a free special report on the 21 major categories of infidelity signs, e-mail InfidelityInfo@gmail.com  with 21 categories – Xm in the subject line.

Another Option to Lower Your Costs

Even if you decide to hire a private investigator, you may still want to do some discreet digging on your own. Just make sure you don’t alert the suspected cheater to what’s going on.

The evidence your investigator uncovers, as well as the final cost of your infidelity investigation will depend largely on the quality and the amount of the background information you provide.

The more background information and basic facts you provide the investigator with at the start, the more quickly and efficiently he or she can work. So give your investigator any and all relevant information concerning your case, including possible locations, dates, times, persons, and circumstances in which the infidelity may be taking place.

Many private investigators around the country use, or recommend Is He Cheating on You? – 829 Telltale Signs to help their clients zero in on the pertinent facts. The less time it takes your investigator to gather the evidence you need, the lower the cost of your investigation will be.

*** © copyright 2009 Ruth Houston

Ruth Houston is a New York-based infidelity expert who is frequently called on by the media to comment on infidelity issues in the news. She is the author of Is He Cheating on You? - 829 Telltale Signs, the founder of InfidelityAdvice.com and blogs at Infidelity News and Views.

For more information related to signs of infidelity, catching a cheating spouse, or extramarital affairs, check out the aricles and  free tip sheets below: 

Is He Cheating on You? - 829 Telltale Signs

What Should I Do If I Think He or She is Cheating on Me?

What Are The Top 10 Signs of Infidelity?

Is He Cheating? Is She Cheating? – 21 Ways You Can Tell   (free tip sheet)

How Do You Catch a Cheating Husband?

13 Things Everyone Should Know About Signs of Infidelity

5 Practical Reasons to Search for Signs of Infidelity if You Suspect an Affair

7 More Compelling Reasons to Search for Signs of Infidelity