Photo: istockphoto.com / Arkadiusz Fajer
Online infidelity goes by many names: cyber affairs, cyber cheating, online affairs, internet affairs, internet infidelity.
All these terms apply to the same thing – a romantic affair involving intimate or sexually explicit communication between two people, one of whom is married or in a committed relationship, which is conducted primarily in cyberspace or over the internet.
Online affairs are the “flavor of the day” when it comes to infidelity and extramarital affairs.
The internet now ties with the workplace as the leading place for cheaters of both sexes to find willing partners with whom to have extramarital affairs.
A would-be-cheater no longer has to physically leave home to seek out someone with whom to have an affair and possibly running into family members, nosy neighbors, or inquisitive friends and workmates.
The internet has removed the risk. Now it can all be done in cyberspace. A few clicks of the mouse will give a potential cheater instant access to an endless array of willing partners, in his or her local area, or around the world.
An internet or cyber affair can be easily initiated and conducted from the privacy of the cheater’s home, with their unsuspecting spouse or significant other in the same room, oblivious to what is going on.
Is a Cyber Affair Cheating?
Some people argue that cyber affairs are not really cheating, since, at least at the outset, no sex is involved. But online affairs are actually a form of emotional infidelity. They may start out in cyberspace, but many of them progress from e-mail to telephone calls to personal contact.
Like most forms of emotional infidelity, internet or online infidelity can eventually lead to sexual or physical infidelity.
Several infidelity studies have found close connections between internet affairs and subsequent sexual affairs.
• According to statistics, 50% of people who engage in internet chats have made phone contact with someone they chatted with online.
• One study found that 30 % of cyber-affairs escalate from e-mail to telephone calls to personal contact.
• Another study found that 31% of people had an online conversation which eventually led to real-time sex.
Men and Women Differ in Their View of Online Affairs
Men and women have different views when it comes to cyber affairs and online infidelity. Most men don’t consider online affairs to be “real infidelity.”
A survey in Divorce Magazine found that only 46 percent of men considered intense internet relationships to be infidelity, compared to 72 percent of women.
But the fact that physical sex hasn't occurred does not mean that cyber affairs are not a “real affairs.”
They pose even more of a threat to a marriage or relationship than sexual infidelity, because emotions are involved.
Don’t Underestimate Online Infidelity
Many people question whether or not cyber affairs should be taken seriously -- especially, since there’s no sex involved.
This epidemic of online infidelity has caused the breakup of countless marriages. According to the Fortino Group, one-third of divorce litigation is caused by online affairs.
You can also see from the statistics cited above that online infidelity poses a VERY serious threat.
Online affairs should be treated as seriously as a sexual or physical affairs, because that’s how most of them eventually end up. If you doubt this, you have only to look at the recent scandal involving South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford and his Argentinean mistress, Maria Belen Chapur. Their relationship started out as an online friendship that progressed to an online affair, culminating in a physical affair.
Divorce attorneys report seeing an increase over the last 10 years, in the number of divorces and separations resulting from online or internet infidelity.
So regardless of which term you use -- cyber cheating, cyber affairs, online affairs or internet affairs -- don’t make the mistake of underestimating online or internet infidelity.
The emotional investment required to maintain these relationships can destroy a marriage, even if there’s no sex or physical contact involved.
A Fool Proof Test for Online Infidelity and Internet Affairs
Many people try to justify an online affair by calling it a “harmless online friendship.”
If your partner makes light of your concern, accuses you of making a big deal about nothing, or tells you that the person they’re spending so much time online with is just a friend, try this foolproof test.
If the internet friendship is as harmless, or as innocent as your partner claims it to be, then he or she should have no problem with you sitting beside them, observing the exchange of correspondence back and forth.
If they are unwilling to do that, then you have your answer as to whether or not the online friendship is as harmless as your spouse or significant other would have you believe.
Safeguard your relationship by taking positive action to have your partner end their cyber relationship before it’s too late.
*** © copyright 2009 Ruth Houston
Ruth Houston is a New York-based infidelity expert who is frequently called on by the media to comment on infidelity issues in the news. She is the author of Is He Cheating on You? - 829 Telltale Signs, the founder of InfidelityAdvice.com and blogs at Infidelity News and Views.
For more information about infidelity, cheating spouses, and online affairs, see:
Infidelity 101: What are the signs of online or internet infidelity?
Is He Cheating on You? - 829 Telltale Signs
Is He Cheating? Is She Cheating – 21 Ways to Tell (free tip sheet)
Infidelity 101: What Should I Do If I Think He or She is Cheating on Me?
13 Things Everyone Should Know about Signs of Infidelity
Emotional Infidelity Usually Leads to Sexual Infidelity
5 Practical Reasons to Search for Signs of Infidelity
7 More Compelling Reasons to Search for Signs of Infidelity
Infidelity 101: How Do You Catch a Cheating Husband?
When Should You Hire a Private Investigator to Check Out a Cheating Mate?
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