Infidelity expert Ruth Houston's advice to Tiger Woods' wife.
Photo: AP/File
I’ve been inundated with questions about Tiger Woods’ car crash and the rumors of his affair. As an infidelity expert who has been researching infidelity for over 15 years, readers want to know my take on the situation, and are curious as to what advice I’d give Tiger Woods’ wife.
Each case of infidelity is different. Though there may be similarities, no two extramarital affairs are exactly alike.
Based on the information culled from the media reports of Tiger Woods’ car crash and the rumors of Tiger’s alleged affair with Rachel Uchitel, here’s what I’d advise Elin Nordegren Woods to do.
• Up to this point in your marriage, if you’ve had no reason to suspect Tiger of cheating on you, give him the benefit of the doubt. However Ronald Reagan said it best – Trust, but verify.
• Your goal should be to uncover the truth -- whatever that may be. Approach the situation with an open mind. See the article entitled What Should I Do If I Think He or She Is Cheating on Me?
• Prepare yourself mentally and emotionally for the possibility that the rumors maybe true. See the article entitled Before Searching for Signs of Infidelity, Prepare Yourself for What You Might Find
• Get a grip on your emotions before attempting any further discussions with Tiger about the alleged affair. You’ve already seen how quickly the situation can get out of control.
• Do not – I repeat - DO NOT ask your husband if he is cheating. If he is, he will lie about it. If he isn’t you will have unnecessarily raised issues of trust. See the article entitled What NOT To Do if He’s Cheating on You
• If you think Tiger isn’t being truthful, have him take a polygraph test.
• Don’t speculate. Investigate. Separate rumor from fact. See if there’s any truth to the rumors that Tiger is, or was seeing Rachel Uchitel. Scrutinize media accounts of the alleged affair -- especially the National Enquirer -- for specific names, dates, places, incidents, and other details that can be checked for accuracy.
• Since you aren’t bound by the same financial constraints as the average wife who suspects her husband of having an affair, hire the best private investigator you can find -- one that specializes in infidelity investigations, and see what he/she can find out. See the article entitled When Should You Hire a Private Investigator to Check Out a Cheating Mate?
• Meanwhile, discreetly, and objectively examine your marriage and Tiger’s behavior - past, present, and future for anything that would cause you to view things in a different light - suspicious behavior, stories that don’t add up, unaccounted for absences, and the like.
• Ask yourself if the rumors correspond to any suspicions you might have had.
• Get a good infidelity reference book to see if there are any subtle signs of infidelity that you may have overlooked. (Is He Cheating on you? – 829 Telltale Signs) Discreetly search for the presence or absence of signs of infidelity which confirm or disprove what you suspect. See the article entitled How to Catch a Cheating Husband
• The National Enquirer reports that numerous text messages were exchanged, between Tiger and Rachel Uchitel. Check your cell phone bills and Tiger’s cell phone for evidence of this. If there are suspicious or unfamiliar phone numbers, or calls made at odd hours of the day or night to numbers you don’t recognize, do a reverse phone number search to see who the numbers belong to. You can do this quickly and easily from your own laptop or home computer. See Infidelity Resources to Help You Catch a Cheating Mate
• Do the same for suspicious e-mail addresses or incriminating e-mails. Run an e-mail address search to find out who the suspicious e-mail address belongs to. This too can be quickly and easily done online, from the privacy of your own home. Refer to Infidelity Resources to Help You Catch a Cheating Mate
• If you have reason to believe that e-mails, text messages or phone numbers may have been deleted or erased, hire a reputable computer forensics expert. In most cases, deleted information can still be retrieved.
• Do not waste your time or lower your dignity by attempting to confront Rachel Uchitel– the alleged other woman. See the free tip sheet entitled 5 Things You Shouldn’t Do If He’s Cheating on You
• Give some thought to what you will do if the rumors prove to be true, but hold off making a final decision until you are in possession of all the facts. See the free tip sheet entitled Go or Stay – How to Decide Whether to Give a Cheater a Second Chance, and the article entitled Why Women Stay with Men Who Cheat.
• Meanwhile, get yourself tested for HIV/AIDS just in case Tiger has had unprotected sex. Your health and maybe even your life could be at stake. (His alleged mistress supposedly has a history of sleeping with married men.)
• Above all, think before you act.
The bottom line: Find out the truth. If the rumors are true that Tiger has cheated or is cheating on you with Rachel Uchitel, you can’t afford to be the last to know. See the article entitled 3 Things a Wife Stands to Lose by Being the Last to Know.
To find out what I would advise Elin Nordegren Woods to do if the rumors of Tiger 's affair turn out to be true, see the article entitled What Tiger Woods’ Wife Should Do if the Infidelity Rumors Are True
*** © copyright 2009 Ruth Houston
Ruth Houston is a New York-based infidelity expert who is frequently called on by the media to comment on infidelity issues in the news. She is the author of Is He Cheating on You? - 829 Telltale Signs, the founder of InfidelityAdvice.com and publishes the Infidelity News and Views blog.
For more information on infidelity, cheating husbands, and extramarital affairs, see:
What Tiger Woods’ Wife Should Do if the Infidelity Rumors Are True
What Should I Do If I Think He or She Is Cheating on Me?
Before Searching for Signs of Infidelity Prepare Yourself for What You Might Find
What NOT To Do if He’s Cheating on You
When Should You Hire a Private Investigator to Check Out a Cheating Mate?
Is He Cheating on You? – 829 Telltale Signs (softcover book) (e-book)
How to Catch a Cheating Husband
Infidelity Resources to Help You Catch a Cheating Mate
5 Things You Shouldn’t Do If He’s Cheating on You (free tip sheet)
Go or Stay – How to Decide Whether to Give a Cheater a Second Chance (free tip sheet)
Why Women Stay with Men Who Cheat
3 Things a Wife Stands to Lose by Being the Last to Know
Is He Cheating? Is She Cheating? - 21 Ways You Can Tell (Free Infidelity Report)
Free Infidelity Tip Sheets and Special Reports
Comments
Here's the deal. She lives in a 2.4 million dollar house and owns half his wealth if she wants to leave him. Right now he's got work to do with her about her. If he wants that other woman, it's going to expensive but this girl will not be entirely without resources. Chances are, if the rumors are true, he is deciding what he wants for his family. Other woman is nearly always a poor risk.
Tiger Woods is not TAKING OVER our country, why is the media now trying to destroy him, rather than just trying to destroy OBAMA?
Whatever Tiger's wife thinks might have happened--the truth is a thousand times worse. There isn't a man alive who wouldn't bang the kind of women throwing themselves at Tiger. He's obviously guilty.
Here's what you'd advise Elin Nordegren to do? If the speculation is true, she lost it and became physically abusive during an argument over his alleged philandering. I would think as an "expert" you'd know she wasn't in the frame of mind to stop and read your multi-point plan. The last point is particularly ironic: "Above all, think before you act." Still, it's a nice little self-serving piece - Kudos on getting a whole article demonstrating your "expertise" out of the suspicions and innuendo flying around Tiger and Elin Woods.
"If you think Tiger isn’t being truthful, have him take a polygraph test."
That's a good way to end the marriage, regardless of the truth. What about some good old time advice like, "Get into counseling with your pastor or a professional therapist ASAP." It doesn't matter who is doing what. Playing games like not asking if your suspicions are true is not an honest way to treat one's partner.
This is a marriage. It's not about positioning yourself to reap the greatest financial reward because your spouse screwed up.
15 years as an infidelity expert? Are you ever going forgive the man that cheated on you?
same goes with jinkeee pacquiao with krista ranillo for every downfall of a man is a woman behind it.
Great job, Ruth.
Why don't everyone just get out of Tiger Wood's business and get on with your lives. Just because he is a famous person and has money did these women have anything to do with him. Had he not been all this, him and his family would have been alright. Money gives people a better advantage. Even if he wasn't rich, he has done what a lot of men do and I think the media needs to leave it alone and let him and his wife work it out without dwelling on it so everyone can have access to his wife's misery. She doesn't need to listen to the crap everyone has to say. I don't agree with what he has done, but the media lives off of other peoples misery. Stop talking about it and giving more attention to their family problem.
This is a very good article. I am a private investigator, and look forward to reading many more of your articles on infidelity. Thanks, Richard.
I agree with most of what Hope said. I don't believe all that investigating is worth the time and effort. If you have to go through all that, then that means that all the trust is gone anyway. If I were Elin, I would focus on my kids, get counseling if she wants to try to rebuild the relationship. I don't even think it's a question as to whether he cheated or not. The question is whether or not he would do it again if given a second chance. It's up to Elin if she wants to try it again. Going through an investigation will do what? You must know, Ms. Ruth, the more you continuously make a person feel guilty for what he or she has done will only nurtures resentment by one or the party in the end. I think the sort of investigation you are recommending would be more devasting to them both. It all comes down to forgiving or not forgiving and moving on or moving away. Simple as that.
Interesting that Examiner is really deleting comments that are critisising the writers. Freedom of speech, not for Examiner...
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