12 valid reasons to snoop if you suspect your mate may be cheating on you

Some people feel you shouldn’t snoop if you think your mate is cheating. Other experts like myself, and Dr Larry Barlow, executive director of the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy, feel thatif you suspect an affair, you should look for signs of infidelity like “ a shift in the relationship, unusual behavior, sudden communication problems and things of that nature.”

If your spouse or significant other is really cheating, there will be subtle telltale signs like those Dr. Barlow mentioned, as well as obvious telltale signs.Of course, knowing what to look for is the key. See Is He Cheating? Is She Cheating?–21 Ways You Can Tell.

So if you suspect infidelity, it's in your best interests to discreetly search for signs of infidelity, so you can either confirm or disprove your suspicions. See Before Searching for Signs of Infidelity, Prepare Yourself for What You Might Find.

Below are 12 very valid reasons why.

So you can focus your energy in the right direction. - You can waste endless time and energy speculating about whether or not your partner is having an affair. Don't speculate. Investigate. Find out the truth. Search for telltale signs to confirm or disprove what you suspect. If you know what to look for, the signs will either be there, or they won’t. See 10 Things You Should Know about Signs of Infidelity. If your mate is really cheating, you can focus your energy on how to handle the situation. If not, you can stop worrying and move on with your life.
To keep unfounded suspicions from poisoning your relationship and your mind. - If you suspect your mate of infidelity, these thoughts will poison your mind and affect other aspects of your relationship, including your sex life, the way you interact with your mate, and your level of trust -- just to name a few. Finding out your suspicions were unfounded can restore balance and breathe new life into your marriage or relationship. See You Think He’s Cheating on You - Is It Intuition or Insecurity?
To short-circuit an affair in the making. - Affairs usually happen in stages. Your spouse or significant other may not have actually cheated yet, but may be seriously entertaining "pre-infidelity thoughts". Spotting the early warning signs of infidelity will give you a chance to stop the affair before it starts.
To find out if your marriage or relationship is in jeopardy. - Some affairs pose more of a threat to a marriage or relationship than others. The situation may not be as bad as it seems - or it could be a whole lot worse. The kind of telltale signs you find will give you some indication as to whether your partner is merely having a fling, or whether there's something more serious going on. See 40 Fatal Signs That You’re about to Be Dumped
So you can seek legal counsel and find out your rights. - If you find signs that indicate that your husband or wife is indeed cheating on you, you can consult adivorce attorney so you can find out your legal rights regarding alimony, child support, etc. This way you’ll be prepared, in case the affair leads to a divorce
So you can protect yourself sexually. - If your partner is having unprotected sex with someone else, you are at risk for contracting HIV/AIDS and a host of other sexually transmitted diseases. Your health – or even your life – could be at stake. If you find signs that an affair is going on, you can protect yourself by abstaining, or by practicing safe sex.
So you can take steps to protect yourself (and your children) financially. - You may need to put some financial safeguards in place if your spouse is having an affair that may lead to a divorce. An unexpected divorce or separation can have serious financial implications for an unsuspecting husband or wife. If you find signs of infidelity consult an accountant, or a divorca financial planner so you’ll be financially prepared since divorce is a life-altering event.
To get proof of infidelity so you can confront your cheating mate about his or her affair. - Experts all agree that if your spouse or significant other is cheating, you should inform him or her that you know about the affair. Often, exposing the affair and having a serious discussion may be all you need to get your marriage or relationship back on track. But it’s counterproductive to confront a cheater with mere suspicions. You need to have concrete proof. See How to Get a Cheater to Tell You the Truth about His Affair
So you can put your mind at ease. - Suspecting your mate of infidelity can cause you endless days of worry and many sleepless nights. If it turns out that there are no real signs of infidelity because he or she isn't cheating, it will be a big relief to know your suspicions were untrue.
So you can find out exactly what you're dealing with. - If your spouse or significant other has been acting strangely, he or she could indeed be cheating on you. But their behavior could also be related to reasons totally unrelated to infidelity. A discreet search for telltale signs will help you pinpoint what's really going on.
To prepare yourself emotionally for the possibility that your spouse may leave. - If your spouse or significant is having an affair, and plans leave you, you don’t want to be the last to know. It’s better to know ahead of time, than to be taken by surprise. Advance knowledge will give you a chance to mentally and emotionally adjust to the idea that he or she may leave you for someone else. See Will He Leave You for Her.
To gain control of the situation. - You can feel like a helpless victim if you suspect infidelity, but you’re not really sure what’s going on. A discreet search for signs of infidelity is therapeutic, and will keep you from getting swept along with the tide. Knowledge is power. If your search confirms that an affair is indeed going on, the ball will be in your court. You can take control by making an informed decision as to the best course of action to take. See Go or Stay? - How to DecideWhether to Give a Cheater a Second Chance..

You Don’t Need Modern Technology to Search for Signs of Infidelity

If you find yourself in a situation where you need to search for signs of infidelity, you don’t need to hire a private investigator, or invest in fancy surveillance equipment. See When Should You Hire a Private Investigator to Check Out a Cheating Mate? and Spying on Your Cheating Mate Could Land You in Jail

Dr. Barlow’s position is that a person who has already observed unusual behavior in their mate does not need to use technology to spy on them. Dr Barlow says, "If you know your partner, then you have a pretty good sense if they are hiding something from you."

As an infidelity expert who has researched infidelity for the past 17 years, I wholeheartedly agree.

To conduct a discreet search for signs of infidelity, all you need are your own eyes and ears, and your personal knowledge of your mate. Knowing what to look for is the key. A good infidelity reference book can help. See The Best Investment You Can Make in Your Relationship for 2010

That’s the premise behind Is He Cheating on You? - 829 Telltale Signs which lists practically every known sign of infidelity, including the subtle signs people usually overlook. Despite the title, most of the signs in the book apply to cheating women, as well as cheating men.

So if you suspect your spouse or significant other of infidelity, search for telltale signs to confirm, or disprove your suspicions, and then proceed from there. For additional help see the articles below.
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Ruth Houston is a New York-based infidelity expert who is frequently called on by the media to comment on high profile infidelity and popular infidelity issues in the news. She is the founder of www.InfidelityAdvice.com, the author of Is He Cheating on You? - 829 Telltale Signs, and publishes the Infidelity News and Views blog. To interview infidelity expert Ruth Houston, or have her speak at your next event, call 718 592-6029 or e-mail InfidelityExpert@gmail.com

For more information about signs of infidelity, or catching a cheater, see the articles below:

Before Searching for Signs of Infidelity, Prepare Yourself for What You Might Find

You Think He’s Cheating on You - Is It Intuition or Insecurity?

Is He Cheating? Is She Cheating? – 21 Ways You Can Tell (free tip sheet)

10 Things You Should Know about Signs of Infidelity

What Should I Do If I Think He or She Is Cheating on Me?

40 Fatal Signs That You’re about to Be Dumped

Is He Cheating on You? - 829 Telltale Signs (soft cover book)

Is He Cheating on You? – 829 Telltale Signs (e-book version with Affair Recovery information)

Why Most Cheaters Don’t Get Caught

Signs of Infidelity that Contradict Each Other

8 Signs of Infidelity that Expose a Cheater Who is Trying to Cover His Tracks