I get an endless supply of material for my site from letters that I find on other sites. Today is no exception, and the theme is social networking. When can you have too many friends? According to this letter, a daughter-in-law says she will have one too many… if she “friends”her mother-in-law.
She begins with:
“So what’s my new complaint? She’s [her mother-in-law] joined Facebook. Facebook…the one thing I have to connect with my old classmates and friends from my hometown. No, I don’t have drunken photos or racy comments. For the most part it is normal wife comments (what to make for dinner, decorating tips, baby updates for friends pregnant or with children). But the fact is it’s mine…my one spot of privacy away from her. Isn’t my life public enough being in sight all the time? I REFUSE to accept her as a friend. It just doesn’t seem right and why should I have to walk on eggshells on my own Facebook because she wants to be nosy?”
Ah, a thorny dilemma, and one in which I have experience. My husband, and both of our sons are on Facebook. So am I; I have been there for several years. My husband and our younger son, Alex, are my Facebook friends so, naturally, I sent a request to his older brother, my married son, Erik, to be my friend. I didn’t get a welcoming friend response; I got a phone call.
Here’s the deal. Erik was very polite when he told me he did not want me as a friend for exactly the reason that the writer above alluded to but without the word “nosy.” He wants to keep his circle of friends and their communication “private.” Now, obviously, this site and all the other ones like it are far from private, but he is not comfortable with his mother having access to his postings. And, I’m fine with that. I get it and take no offense.
What did I learn from this, you may ask? Well, I am not going to ask my daughter-in-law to be my Facebook buddy because I don’t want to make it awkward for her. If she, like my son, wants to keep a network of her peers, I respect those wishes.
I also found it interesting that the complaining writer assumed that her mother-in-law wanted to friend her to be “nosy.” This is one of those jumping to conclusion moments that cause problems in the mother-in-law/daughter-in-law relationship.
I didn’t ask my son to be his Facebook friend to be nosy. I did it because I ask most of the people I know well and who are on Facebook to be my friend as an additional way to communicate with them.
So, before assuming the worst, pick up the phone (you remember that communication tool, right?) and chat about a friendly friend request. One of you can always say no, but at least you won’t jump to the wrong conclusion.
Talk to you soon.
Comments
nice!
like i said let me talk that ant good
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