I’m back on the plane bound for San Francisco after a week of rest and relaxation with my dad and pleased to report that the visit was a huge success. We all high-fived the whole “stay in a hotel” part as one of the factors that contributed to the overall satisfaction level of our time together. He got his afternoon nap every day…and so did I.
What would my strategy have been if the hotel were not an option? Let me share with you a Web posting from an expectant mother who was anticipating the arrival of her mother-in-law:
“ We are expecting our second child, and just like with our first daughter, my mother-in-law decided that she was coming to stay with us. The first time, we had not even been home for 24 hours and had her staying with us. I am not sure if it was just the hormones, but by hour 36, I was in my room crying and so depressed that if I could have, I would have told her to leave. Now that we are expecting our second child, our spare room is a baby’s room. There is no spare room. My mother-in-law is visiting now and sleeping on our couch. My husband won’t say anything to her at all, regardless of what I am feeling, which really makes me mad.”
After reading this posting, I tried to figure out what should have happened in this situation. I believe it was the writer’s husband’s responsibility to talk to his mother about the visit, the timing, and the available lodging options. If a hotel was not possible because of the money, then perhaps this mother could stay with her friends or a friend of her son’s for a couple of nights.
When I return the next time, I’m going to stay with my dad, at his request, and try some of my readers’ ideas for a stress-free visit. Remember, these tips work for houseguests of all types, including in-laws, children, and friends. I plan to:
- Respect his privacy. It’s never too late to discuss privacy and boundaries.
- Understand his “house rules.” It’s better to understand everyone’s house rules up front so that everyone can make conscious and considerate choices of how to adapt lifestyles to mesh with one another.
- Agree on the length of the visit. It’s better to have three great days than a week of issues that turn into a lifetime of resentment.
What other ways have you successfully managed a stay at your in-laws home? Just pop me a note at jangelich@gmail.com.
Talk to you soon.
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