It’s the start of a holiday weekend. Memorial Day weekend is one of my favorite three- day weekends of the year because the weather is usually perfect here in California, the days are longer, and I look forward to summer and spending time with my family and friends. Plus, Memorial Day, this year, is also my youngest son’s birthday.
The following adapted excerpt, entitled “Dealing with Holiday Conflicts (and Satisfying Your In-Laws) from life.familyeducation.com will help all of us to remember how to “play well with others.”
“Parents often don't realize the problems their married children experience as they try to balance loyalties to their own parents as well as to their in-laws and spouse. If the older generation didn't experience the same stress, they may not be able to understand how difficult this problem can be to their children, especially to young couples just setting their own boundaries in the relationship.
And if they do realize it, they may not care. "We raised you and we deserve the pleasure of your company at least a few times a year," your parents may bellow. What about us?" your brother-in-law may complain.
Holiday pressure is especially tough on two-career families. Because both partners are working, there is little time for laundry, shopping, cleaning, and nurturing the relationship, much less seeing the in-laws. What can you do to deal with the conflicts?
Here are five suggestions:
1. Your first allegiance is to your spouse. No matter how heavy a guilt trip your relatives lay on your shoulders at holiday time, recognize that you and your spouse are a couple. Now that you're a team, work as one.
2. If you can't or don't want to accept an in-law's holiday invitation, don't dodge the issue. Instead, bite the bullet and tell them as soon as possible. In addition to getting rid of an onerous duty, early notice also allows your in-laws to make alternate plans, if they so desire.
3. Always check out all invitations with your spouse before you say yes or no. Try, "Thanks for the invitation. I'll talk it over with my beloved and get back to you."
4. You can decrease holiday stress by concentrating more of your time on celebrating the way you like and involving more in-laws in the preparations. But don't forget to set aside some time to rest and relax!
5. Respect your in-law's decisions. If one or more of your in-laws doesn't want to come to your holiday celebration, don't be a sore loser. Don't whine, nag, or moan. And don't pressure your in-laws to change their plans. Respect their decisions and you have a better chance of having them respect yours.”
I wish you and your families a safe and enjoyable Memorial Day weekend. And, please, take the time to remember the men and women who died defending our country.
Happy Birthday, Alex!
Talk to you soon.
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