I’m continuing my discussion about offering advice by sharing some information I gleaned from experts in the field to help you understand why you might be tempted to offer it whenever the “spirit moves you.” I recognize some of my own motives in these tips and now think twice before spouting out my “wisdom” to my daughter-in-law.
The three most significant insights I’d like tell you about are:
- You may have a wealth of experience that you want to share with others. It makes sense to you that you would want to help your daughter-in-law avoid potential problems.
- It isn’t easy inviting a new person into your life, especially one who is so close to your son. Offering advice is a way of feeling needed, included or important.
- It’s hard to give up control. Your son, who always needed you, has found someone else to give him advice and support. This kind of change could be creating a sense of loss and giving advice is a way to cope with your anxiety. Or, you may feel like you are now competing with your daughter-in-law for your son’s attention, and can control the situation by offering advice.
Your mother-in-law/daughter-in-law relationship is destined to go on for a very long time if your son has chosen the “perfect” wife for HIM. Therefore, it is in your best interest, as a mother-in-law to think about being a team player in order to maximize the quality of the relationship for all of you. This isn’t going to be an overnight fix and you will slip up along the way. But if you keep the lines of communication open, you will be able to talk about the fumbles and get back in the game.
Talk to you soon.
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