Congratulations! You are somebody’s mother-in-law now. Or, you are the new daughter-in-law, it doesn’t much matter. What matters in today’s column, is what do you want to be called? And, more importantly, what does your daughter-in-law want to call you?
This may seem like such an insignificant topic. There couldn’t possibly be enough to say about it to actually write a few paragraphs. But, from my experience and from the letters coming in from my readers, it’s a big problem in a lot of families.
Let me go back about 40 years ago, when I was a starry-eyed teenager who decided to get married. Seemed like a good idea at the time and my future mother-in-law was a big supporter. But, to get back to the subject of names, she wanted me to call her Mom. And I didn’t want to, but didn’t have the guts to speak up so I called her NOTHING. That’s right, for 20+ years that I knew her, I would either wait for her to turn around and face me and then start talking or tap her on the shoulder. How’s that for a reason to write about this subject!
The reason why I couldn’t do what she asked of me was because I wasn’t comfortable calling anyone but my own mother, Mom. I also wasn’t comfortable suggesting that I call her by her first name, because I had been raised to call my “elders” Missus or Mister. So, I was stumped and too much of a kid playing grown-up to figure a way out.
When I was significantly older, I remarried. And I was once again faced with the “what to call my mother-in-law” dilemma. But, this time it was easy. She introduced herself by her first name and that is how I addressed her. Getting older has its advantages!
In order to help your daughter-in-law feel like she is are part of the family, discuss, and don’t just assume, the name choices. Also remember that all daughters-in-law don’t want to call their mothers-in-law, “Mom.”
Drop me a line and tell me how you tackled the name game at jangelich@gmail.com.
Talk to you soon.
Comments
I have the same problem. My mother in law is filipino and she has constantly pushed me to call her mom. She wont even address me until I have addressed her as mom. My husband has even explained to her that I don't feel comfortable but she still insists. I'm just glad we don't visit them alot.
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