Earlier this week, I shared two of five points from an article entitled “Build a Loving Relationship with Your Son’s Wife,” which was adapted from my upcoming book. Today, it’s time to tell you about the other three.
Here’s how you can become the best kind of mother-in-law:
1. Keep out. Respect your son and daughter-in-law’s boundaries. Show consideration for their busy schedules and need for privacy. Ask them to explain their house rules upfront so you can understand them and make considerate choices about how to best relate to them (such as not dropping by their home unannounced and not calling during busy times). Rather than just helping with something with which you think they need help (like dinner, housekeeping, or decorating) ask first to see if they actually want that help. Be flexible when making plans with your son and daughter-in-law, keeping in mind that they have their own lives. Let your love for them motivate you to respect the limits they set with you to maintain a healthy relationship.
2. Don’t ask and don’t tell. Don’t ask your son and daughter-in-law when they’re planning to have kids; they’ll tell you when they’re ready and don’t need the pressure of questions beforehand. Don’t tell them that you expect what may be unreasonable to them: being invited into the delivery room when grandchildren are born, being asked to move in to help with baby care, to be called a certain name by your grandchildren, etc.
Let them tell you what works best for them, and respect that. Be sure to respect their rules for the kids, as well, when you’re babysitting. Never contradict the parents’ rules and discipline practices for their kids while the kids are in your care – either in their home, or in yours. Instead of trying to impose your own agenda of how you’d like to take care of your grandkids, ask your son and daughter-in-law what kind of help they’d like with the kids and respond in a way that works for all of you.
3. Be a good role model. Aim to inspire your son and daughter-in-law by being a strong role model for them: living a rich and full life independent of them and living out your faith in all parts of your life. Retain your individuality and demonstrate confidence in yourself and your abilities. Share stories with your daughter-in-law about your life before she knew you and talk openly with her about your life now so she can get to know you well. Strive to reach your highest potential in life and serve others regularly. Be aware that your daughter-in-law is watching you and that living well can enrich your relationship with her.
Countdown to my book release date…5, 4, 3, 2, 1, days, but who’s counting? ME!
Talk to you soon.
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